If Then

Then I would keep making puns about our location.

If this caused someone to kill me

Then we would give you a solemn funeral

If the Argentinian Air Force offered to fly over the funeral

Then Confusion

If the US Air Force did so

Then the Argentinian Air Force would attack out of jealousy

If they won the battle

Then something is very wrong with this dimension

If we corrected it

Then the US would win

If they did

Then, as with all things, there would be alternate timelines and dimensions where that didn't happen

If, in one of those infinite timelines Humans were not the sentient species of earth, but rather a sentient fungi

Then the world would be ruled by fun guys.

If people understood that joke

Then we would all be biology experts

If I didn't find biology boring

Then you would be a great biology expert.

If I stole the Declaration of Independence

Then your name would be Susan

If Klak's name were Susan

Then he would actually be Dolan

If Klak were Dolan

Then I would be Scrooge McDuck

If I were Scrooge McDuck

Then you would have more money, and wouldn't stare at yourself when youw ant to spend it

If Scrooge McJones spent some of his money

Then I would be stripped of my Scrooge title

If I lost my title

Then we would have to find a new title for you.

If we found a new title for DRJ

Then it would no doubt be a silly one

If it referenced Yon

Then it would be Par for the course

If Klak needed a new title

Then it would reference Mitt Romney

If it referenced Obama instead

Then everyone just looses their minds!

If I don't always drink beer

Then you would drink whisky

If I spiked the whisky

Then I would go insane

If I went insane

Then we wouldn't notice the difference

If we did

Then something would be wrong

If something had happened

Then it would rain busses

If a murder of crows circles you home

Then you're in trouble

If something happened to you

Then it would be great.

If that "something" were bad

Then we would try to rescue you

If we failed horribly

Then the Crows would descend upon us

If We went Oedipus Rex on the Crows

Then I would stab my eyes out.

If I change my name to Tiresias

Then you would be ridiculous

If Klak changed his name to Bob

Then he would be mundane

If we went for something in between mundane and ridiculous

Then I would name myself Theseus.

If more people would lay down a rhyme.

Then our roads would be paved with rhymes

If this made sense

Then people wouldn't be so tense

If I smacked Jones with a fence

Then I would hit back with a hatchet

If this summoned Ratchet

Then I would smack him with a cane

If this forced Sly Cooper to bring the pain

Then I would wonder why he is bringing us French bread

If I could find something to rhyme with bread

Then surely, none of us would be dead.

If this made sense in my little head

Then it would not make sense in the air

If I slapped Klak with a pear

Then he would hit back with a fish

If I made a little wish

Then corrupting it would summon a different game.

If DRJ made the wish paying no attention to this shame.

Then I would wish for some light

If I did so at night

Then there would be no fright.

If that somehow caused a fight

Then you will be broken on a wheel

If Klak's blood turned out to be teal

Then he would be a troll

If I broke this rhyming pattern

Then someone would send you up to Saturn.

If Ynot went to space

Then he would meet an alien race

If he sprayed them with mace

Then it would be highly ineffective

If I ate an orange

Then you would eat an orange.

If there was something more to this