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    Help Me! Professor Kokonoe!

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    Zev the Reveler
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    Help Me! Professor Kokonoe!

    Post by Zev the Reveler on Sun Aug 19, 2012 4:41 am

    WARNING
    Kokonoe is the Star of this Comedy.
    DO NOT READ if you are easily offended by foul language and lewd comments.
    Thank you, and enjoy.

    *The lights turn on in a small lab*

    *Stacked almost to the low ceiling in some places with boxes, there's a couple of huge glass tubes next to the door, and a monitor in the corner of the ceiling*

    *A heavy steel door slides aside, and a certain feline pinkette scientist walks out*

    Kokonoe: Welcome, all you little lost children. Now, I want you to pay attention - I'm not going to repeat this s#%&. This is a special room that is reached by portal; located in the Boundary, which I'll explain later. Here, I divulge all sorts of choice info on BZPower Battles - At least, that which I can acquire. I'm caught up on UZ's bullcrap, but I need to compile more info from the others. Sue me.

    *She begins to pace up and down, obviously getting more and more agitated*

    Kokonoe: I'll also be generously giving advice to alllll the little lost children left to run amok by the Users. But if you're one of those nutbars who's all "I don't need a character's help," or "I can bum a flowchart off of MK," then you can piss off!! ... *Sigh*

    *She takes out a small, remote control-like device, and presses a big red button*

    *The monitor flickers to life, then displays a chart - Ten boxes in a column, atop which are two concentric circles*

    Kokonoe: You're about to get learned. Today's subject is the combined group of the Bookmen and the R&D Sectors.

    *She presses another button, causing the boxes to flash in sequence from top to bottom*

    Kokonoe: Sector One through Sector Ten are all focused on different scientific departments. For instance, Sector One formerly conducted military initiatives, while my still-existing domain of Sector Seven are pioneers of merging biology and technology. Tager is a prime example of that - A cultured, scientific cyborg badass. Suck it.

    *She pauses, then presses the same button again - Causing the two circles to flash, inner to outer, in another sequence*

    Kokonoe: Above the R&D Sectors is the Bookman Association, or as everyone but they themselves say, the Bookmen. They are the recordkeepers of all things to do with our umbrella group as a whole, and are our only superiors. Sector One has no authority over Sector Seven, and vice versa, but we both have to listen to the rare order from the Bookmen, or you can trust me, everything goes ---s up real fast.

    *With another press of that button, the entire chart shrinks slightly and moves off to the side*

    *More charts, almost identical, are lined up alongside the first - Then, each are connected to a half-circle, with the flat side down*

    Kokonoe: We're part of a much larger group, known as the Akashic Legions. All you need to know about this general chain of command is that there's nutbars and sociopaths straight to the top.

    *With a sigh, she turns the monitor back off and looks to the audience*

    Kokonoe: If you have questions on lore you want addressed, or a character who needs me to set them straight, let UZ know. Do not bother me about this. I'm very busy.

    *With a smile, she claps her hands together lightly*

    Kokonoe: This could be fun.


    Last edited by Lucky Zev! on Sun Aug 19, 2012 4:49 am; edited 1 time in total
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    Zev the Reveler
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    Re: Help Me! Professor Kokonoe!

    Post by Zev the Reveler on Sun Aug 19, 2012 4:41 am

    *The scene opens in the small lab once again*

    *This time, Kokonoe is already standing in the rough front-and-center*

    Kokonoe: Alright, let's get this s#$& over with. *Snaps fingers* Lost child of the day, you may enter.

    *From a sliding door on the opposite side of the room, a certain intimidating female enters*

    Kuu: ... *Looks around* ... *Pupils pulsating, she inspects the lab* ...Why?

    Kokonoe: *Writing in a notebook* You were sent here for advice. Your calcium and Omega-3 oils are too low. I suggest you eat more fish.

    Kuu: ... *The pulsating in her eyes becomes a bit faster* ...Stupid. *Fingers clench slightly*

    Kokonoe: See? You get too angry. You need to control your temper, or you'll get your ass handed to you sooner or later.

    Kuu: ...No. *Seems ready to leap and attack Kokonoe at any moment*

    Kokonoe: Oh, and by the way - You kill me, and you'll never walk out of this place. Only I can permit someone to enter or leave. So, you can let me give you some advice, or wander around this lab for eternity.

    Kuu: ... *Sits down on the floor, crosslegged* ... *Says nothing, staring at Kokonoe* ...

    Kokonoe: Good choice, because you're an even moodier bitch than I am.

    Kuu: ... *Digs fingers into the floor, causing shallow marks to be left* ...

    Kokonoe: Alright, alright, sheesh. Look, it would probably help if you find a safe way to express your anger. If you get angry a lot, then find some way that you can let it all out and not let it build up. It's one thing to be irritable - Don't bottle all of that anger up until you're one sideways look away from a thermonuclear detonation. You got it?

    Kuu: ... *Has stopped scratching the floor* ...Yes.

    Kokonoe: *Smiles* Very good. You have my permission to head through that door to the portal transportation room.

    Kuu: ... *Gets up and leaves* ...

    Kokonoe: ... *Sigh* Good riddance. That uppity little brat was going to tear up my floor.

    *Suddenly, the door opens again, and Kuu ducks back into the room*

    Kuu: What? *Stares intently at Kokonoe from the suddenly very short distance*

    Kokonoe: Oooooh nothing. Nothing at all, I'm just babbling to myself about formulae.

    Kuu: ... *Ducks out of the room again, after which a low zapping noise can be heard*

    Kokonoe: *Watches after her for a while* ...She hadn't used the portal yet?

    *End scene*
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    Re: Help Me! Professor Kokonoe!

    Post by helo frens on Sun Aug 19, 2012 4:55 am

    Heh. I really enjoyed reading that. : D I look forward to reading more~


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    Re: Help Me! Professor Kokonoe!

    Post by Heat on Sun Aug 19, 2012 4:56 am

    That was amusing. If there's one gripe I have, it's that you used "BZPower Battles". That name has been discontinued, we just use "BZPB" now.

    But it's alright aside from that. Smile


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    Re: Help Me! Professor Kokonoe!

    Post by Zev the Reveler on Sun Aug 19, 2012 5:40 am

    Thank you both kindly!

    I'm glad you liked it; and DRJ, I'll try to not use BZPower Battles in the future, just BZPB.

    I'll wait a little while before posting the third installments, and so on.

    In the meantime, I'll try to get a backlog ready.

    I hope you all enjoy.
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    Re: Help Me! Professor Kokonoe!

    Post by Zev the Reveler on Sun Aug 26, 2012 11:36 am

    Sorry about the double post,

    But this needed to be posted.

    Please, send me suggestions for guests, either here or on Skype.

    I am begging of you.


    ~ ~ ~

    *The scene opens on the lab once again*

    Kokonoe: *Is standing front and center again* Well, here we go. Lost child of the day, you may enter.

    *With a mechanical hiss, the door opens - Allowing an elegant woman with long, slightly wild blonde hair, pale eyes sans pupils, and fair skin to enter; garbed in a kimono*

    Sagihime: What a pleasure it is to see you again, Professor Kokonoe. Have your studies been going well?

    Kokonoe: Eh, well enough. So, I guess UZ decided to send you for advice. What's up?

    Sagihime: Well, before I get into that, I would be remiss to ask...Are you still on such sour terms with Jubei? From the time supervising my nephew's swordmanship training under him, he came off as pleasant; if a bit too rough around the edges for my taste, at times. Do you know a different side of him?

    Kokonoe: *Instantly scowls darkly* I'd prefer we didn't talk about that bastard, unless you'd like to discuss a memorial to all of his bad examples and his inability to teach life lessons when it matters most.

    Sagihime: I won't strike up a conversation, then. But let me ask you an honest question.

    Kokonoe: *Siiigh* Okay, I'll bite. Lay it on me.

    Sagihime: Where was it ever said that bad examples can't be learned from? Because I think he must be partly to thank for the strong, accomplished woman I see before me.

    Kokonoe: *Actually blushes a bit* ...This conversation is over now.

    Sagihime: *Chuckles softly* As you wish. To the matter of why I've been sent here?

    Kokonoe: That would be a pleasant change of discussion topic from the rusty-ass can of worms you just felt like opening.

    Sagihime: It seems that my training methods for Namah are a bit too...Harsh. She did agree to the Raregroove Bridal Training, but the training for brides and grooms of our family is only intended for Juraians. She may or may not be able to survive - Especially given that, at his current state, Zev would be permanently crippled should his training as a groom come to an end. It will take much more of his current training, and some training with Mikihisa, before he will be ready for the test faced by husbands-to-be.

    Kokonoe: ...Quick question: why is training from hell necessary for Juraian marriage customs?

    Sagihime: You see, Emperors and Empresses must be as strong as at all possible. Azusa and Misaki went through very similar training - That is why the two of them possess such confounded strength, shamanic potency, etc., etc. By themselves, Juraians only possess markedly greater endurance, longevity, and growth potential. It is the training we go through that results in such remarkable shamans, mages, and general combatants.

    Kokonoe: *Has been jotting down notes, and carries on for a few more moments* ...Done. *Tucks notebook into her labcoat* Well, you've answered your own question. Namah is tough, tougher than her twiggy arms would suggest, but she's still just not got the durability of a Juraian.

    *She paces up and down, though Sagihime obviously doesn't follow her movements*

    Kokonoe: You'll have to slowly get her acclimated to this kind of training, strengthen her resistance to the physical strain, and not do a harebrained thing like send your hellspawn shikigami into every training session. Otherwise, I can guarantee you she'll wind up in a wheelchair before the final lessons.

    Sagihime: Very well, Kokonoe. There are many other things I can teach her, and they will inevitably make her ready for the labors of my full training. I certainly don't wish to do her actual, lasting harm...I hope I haven't already...

    Kokonoe: Don't worry: I had one of my programs do a fifty-year prediction of her physical state the last time she was on the Bebop II. She'll be perfectly fine, so long as you carefully judge how difficult her training will be, and how that will progress from here on out.

    Sagihime: Thanks muchly, Professor. I think I can make far greater progress, now.

    Kokonoe: Was there ever any doubt? *Jerks head towards the audience* Wanna do the thing?

    Sagihime: Why, it would be my honor, Professor Kokonoe.

    *The two of them suddenly get back to back, and give the camera a thumbs-up*

    Together: Let hard work guide you to glory!

    *They pause, then move apart quite suddenly*

    Kokonoe: That turned out really stupid, didn't it?

    Sagihime: Yes, but a little fun like that is fine once in a while.

    Kokonoe: So long as I never make you do that again?

    Sagihime: If you do, I will break your fingers.

    Kokonoe: Fair enough. Good luck.

    Sagihime: Farewell. *Departs*

    *As the portal in the next room gives a zapping noise, Kokonoe stays silent*

    Kokonoe: ...She's pretty scary, sometimes. *Shudders a bit*

    *Her face suddenly gains an ugly scowl and a blush*

    Kokonoe: Talking about him to me... *Grumble*

    *She begins ratting through a box*

    *End scene*
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    Re: Help Me! Professor Kokonoe!

    Post by Zev the Reveler on Fri Dec 21, 2012 4:49 pm

    *Once again, the scene opens on the small lab*

    Kokonoe: *Is standing front and center once again* Alright. Time for more general lessons.

    *She presses the big red button on the remote again, causing the monitor to light up with the boldfaced word: SHAMANISM*

    Kokonoe: UZ has made extensive inclusion of his fictitious version of Shamanism to BZPB, but I don't feel he's explained it as well as he could have. By that, I mean that I have executive permission to do the job right. And by executive permission, I mean I bullied him into signing off on it. Good? Good.

    *She presses a button, causing the screen to show a simplified humanoid shape*

    Kokonoe: Most of the info you need can be found on the Wiki page, so I'll be filling in the blanks for future reference. First, there are three layers to most existences; at least, those used by UZ. The other Users, I don't know about. Whatever.

    *She presses the button again, causing the images of a torso with a ghostly tail and a wispy fireball-like shape to line up with the first image*

    Kokonoe: Here, we have the spirit, and the soul. *Presses the button, causing the ghostly tail torso to blink* A spirit protects a soul, and allows them to communicate - Much as a physical body allows a spirit to be seen on and interact with the physical realm.

    *She presses the button again, now causing the fireball to blink*

    Kokonoe: A soul is rarely strong enough to survive without a spirit or some kind of medium to protect it, and even if it survives, without some kind of shell around it, it's impossible for them to even communicate with other spirit-clad souls. So, if an average soul is bereft of its spirit, and has no way to protect itself from natural deterioration, they're screwed. This generally covers UZ's info on bodies, spirits, and souls. The other Users...Meh. *Shrug* They'll do what they will, UZ will do what he will, the wheel rolls on.

    *She presses the button again, causing a group of words to appear on the screen*

    Kokonoe: Now, before we go any further, we need to clear this up with finality. *Causes the words "Furyoku" and "Reiryoku" to flash in sequence* Furyoku is essentially an umbrella term that refers to both mana and prana, under UZ's System. By the UZ System, mana is drawn into the body from some outside source, and stored for later usage, while prana is freely generated by physical activity, movement, and for some, just by breathing.

    *With another press of the button, a diagram of a simple human figure walking appears under the word Furyoku*

    Kokonoe: Walking and Breathing is actually a technique that, when perfected, allows simple movements like clapping one's hands to generate a burst of prana capable of exorcising evil spirits from an area. Only one person in a generation is born with a natural aptitude for this, and as such, they are prized by enlistment services of the Mages' Association. We'll get into those lunatics in a future installment.

    *She then presses the button again; the last diagram disappears, replaced by a count of 5,000 to 125,000 by increments of 5,000; bottom-to top, and flashing in sequence beneath Reiryoku*

    Kokonoe: As for Reiryoku, it applies a rough numerical amount to the Furyoku one has at their disposal. This does not, however, decide actual combat ability. I can say for certain that Zev's reiryoku count is higher than Blackout's, yet at the moment, Prince Alarming would get his s#&^ wrecked if he went into a one-on-one fight with Blackout right now. On the other hand, when trained properly, someone with a very high Reiryoku count - Say, Namah's current 70,000, I think it was - Can eventually train to use the full potential of that energy for spells, and become a certified Grade-A Badass. Give her a few story arcs, you'll see.

    *Another press of the button, and the word "Spirit Ally" lights up*

    Kokonoe: There is a marked difference between any old contracted spirit and a Spirit Ally. It's all built around spiritual bonds and companionship and that sentimental crap. For instance: since Asabana is so close to Zev, pretty much been with him since childhood, they're very synchronized. She's a much more potent Spirit Ally for Zev, at this time, than the Spirit of Earth, since Zev has yet to form such a strong bond with it.

    *Yet another press of the button, and the final word, "Reishi" lights up*

    Kokonoe: Finally, since it's going to become pretty important, we'll discuss the semi-passive ability of Reishi. It's a rare trait that's almost unheard of outside of certain blind shamans and mages; one of Zev's ancestors on his father's side of the family managed to attain it by ascetic training, but he went screwy in the head from the training process, so take that with a grain of salt. The key detail of Reishi is that it functions as super-strong empathy.

    *The button is pressed, causing two humanoid figures to appear beneath the word in a diagram*

    *A quick press again, and the left figure gains dark ripples in their form, out from the center of the body*

    Kokonoe: When someone is angered or sad, this slightly disturbs their aura. Reishi allows incredibly fine detection of these disturbances, so that they can instantly judge how upset someone is, and in some cases, even discern the cause. This has to be very carefully regulated to not completely invade the privacy of individuals in one's surroundings, but it's been a prized tool for itako like Sagihime.

    *She turns back to look fully at the audience, as the last button press fades the screen to black*

    Kokonoe: At her level, Sagihime can finely judge her surroundings, trace the flow of another's energies, and can utilize Reishi's core qualities of empathic sensitivity to assist her in caring for the mentally and emotionally ailing. She helps grieving widows, quarreling friends, feuding armies, she's just so nice, ain't she? *Sarcasm evident*

    *With a sigh, she takes her glasses off and wipes them clean on one overly long, closed sleeve*

    Kokonoe: ...That's all for today. I've got work to do. *Walks out*
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    Re: Help Me! Professor Kokonoe!

    Post by Zev the Reveler on Sat Dec 22, 2012 12:14 pm

    *The scene opens on the small lab once again*

    *As is per the usual, Kokonoe is standing front and center*

    Kokonoe: For a recap, even though I said I wouldn't do this: Lost children, special room, Boundary, information, advice, nutbars, flowchart, piss off. There. *Clap clap* Lost child of the day, you may enter.

    *From the portal room emerges none other than the mercenary from 'cross time and space*

    D-Klak: Enchanté. To what do I owe the pleasure?

    Kokonoe: Huh. Nobody here today? Guess MK was pulling my leg. *Goes to leave*

    D-Klak: Oh, come on, don't be that way! It's just a little joke! This is a comedy, right?

    Kokonoe: It's my gig. Don't steal my spotlight. Now, you're not going to leave until you listen to my brilliant advice, so shut up and let me talk!

    D-Klak: Easy, Professor, I'm not deaf! *Waits patiently for the advice* ...

    Kokonoe: ...Grrr...

    D-Klak: ...Hmmmmm...?

    Kokonoe: You numbnuts! This is the part where you fall to your knees and beseech me, "Please, O Sagacious Kokonoe, let your pearls of wisdom rain upon my ignorant brow"!!

    D-Klak: One, I'm 92% sure there's nothing there to be numb. Two, it seems a little needless, but so be it. Please, do share. *Waits* ...

    Kokonoe: ...Grrrrrr...!!

    D-Klak: ...Hmm-hm-hmmmmm...

    Kokonoe: God, my blood pressure must be through the roof right now. Fine. Thing is, you're pretty much in a really safe position. You're close enough to MK's protagonist to not be cannon fodder, but you're not so close that you're in eminent danger of dying for plot reasons. Then again, Kakamu was supposed to stay dead, so I guess you probably have a few Get Out of the Afterlife Free Cards saved up. Just listen to your friends, don't be an idiot, and try not to break the Fourth Wall too much. That might cause a commotion. That's it.

    D-Klak: Thank you, Professor. Your wisdom is much appreciated.

    Kokonoe: *Smiles politely* You're quite welcome.

    D-Klak: Please, let me kiss your ring finger in respect, Boss.

    Kokonoe: ...

    D-Klak: Hmmm-hmmm-hmmmmm.

    Kokonoe: GET OUT OF HERE *Smacks him clear through the doorway and into the portal*

    D-Klak: No regreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeets *Zztch* *Disappears*

    Kokonoe: That guy is a hero? What is the world coming to?

    *She begins to unwrap a sucker, scowling*

    *End scene*
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    Re: Help Me! Professor Kokonoe!

    Post by Zev the Reveler on Wed Jan 02, 2013 3:23 pm

    *The scene opens on the small lab, once again*

    *Also once again, Kokonoe stands front and center in the audience's view*

    Kokonoe: All of that info got me a bit worn down, so I took a nice break. It's time that I gave out more wonderful advice. *Claps hands* Lost child of the day, you may enter.

    *She suddenly runs out of the room, as all of the lights go dim*

    *A certain blue-haired, eyepatch-wearing girl wanders shyly into the room*

    *As a spotlight fall on her, the girl looks around to make sure she's unseen and unheard*

    *Failing to realize she's being recorded, she sighs with a smile, and clasps her hands before herself*

    Chrome: Oh, how I want to meet my one true love in person. Will he be mysterious, and brooding, and suave? Will be be fierce, and determined, and independent?

    *Little sparkles dance around her as she gets very into her little dream session*

    Chrome: Neb? Oh, Neb, do you know what my true love will look like? I know you can't answer that, that's silly of me. Well, let me tell you what I think he'll look like.

    *Hands laid on her cheeks, she grows ever-more wistful as she goes on*

    Chrome: He'll be a little awkward, but he'll be so kind, and he'll do anything to look out for his friends and family. He'll be a reluctant hero, but he'll be a great hero, and he'll be my hero, too.

    *She's suddenly jolted back to awareness as all of the lights turn on, and Kokonoe emerges*

    Chrome: Um...Uh... *Fiddles with the hem of skirt* How...How much did you hear...?

    Kokonoe: Every single word. That's what I have ears for. Wow, you're a dreamy little dope, aren't you?

    Chrome: ...Dope...? That's...So mean, Professor... *Wibble* *Wibble*

    Kokonoe: Oh come on, Dokuro, you know what I meant by that. Seriously.

    Chrome: ...Well, now I...Don't think I do, actually... *Looks around nervously*

    Kokonoe: Don't worry, no experiments. I'm just here to give you some friendly advice.

    Chrome: ...Really...? What kind of advice would you be giving, Professor?

    Kokonoe: Well, you're actually now in my special Love Clinic. Here, we'll discuss all your romantic quandries, to try and find your one true dreamboat stud.

    Chrome: *Blushes furiously* ...I...I...I-I-I-I'm n-n-not so s-s-sure -

    Kokonoe: It's a joke, it's a joke! Come on, lighten up a bit!

    Chrome: ...Oh...Okay...I'm...Sorry about tha -

    Kokonoe: And don't apologize! That's actually what you're here for - Self-esteem.

    Chrome: ...What...? My...Self-esteem...? *Quirks head to the side a bit*

    Kokonoe: Yeah, you really need to learn to think more highly of yourself. I mean, Mukuro Rokudo and the Vongola Famiglia didn't place so much faith in you because of that nice figure you're so intent on hiding.

    Chrome: *Blushes again* C-C-Can we n-not talk about th-th-that...?

    Kokonoe: Sure. Let's talk about your neverending negativity party. It doesn't accomplish anything, and it's detrimental to your combat ability. If you don't get over your self doubt, you won't be able to become as strong as you're fully capable of.

    Chrome: R-Really...? Um...But...How do I...Well...Get over my...Doubts...?

    Kokonoe: *Smiles* Well, we could try my practiced techniques, or some medication I cooked up.

    Chrome: Nononono no, no, no, medication won't be necessary, no thank you...

    Kokonoe: Sure thing. So, first step towards not being a wishy-washy shrinking violet: Regularly think of things you like about yourself. If it helps, write poems about your traits that make you happy. What you like about your appearance, talents you're proud of, stuff like that. If you need someone to make sure you don't focus on negative things, do it. Just don't get yourself on a self-deprecation kick, okay?

    Chrome: Yes...Yes, alright. *Smiles slightly* Thank you, Professor. Can you...Can you, give me some more help, in the future?

    Kokonoe: Of course - I will be in touch. *Smiles encouragingly*

    Chrome: Thank you! *Hurries out, unusually excited*

    Kokonoe: Heh. What a good kid.

    *End scene*
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    Re: Help Me! Professor Kokonoe!

    Post by Zev the Reveler on Wed Jan 02, 2013 3:48 pm

    *Once again, we find ourselves in the small lab*

    Kokonoe: *Is napping on a new couch* Zzz...Zzzzzz...Zzz...

    *Suddenly, there's a restrained, but still calamitous knocking at the door*

    Tager: *Hurriedly whispers* Professor! Your show's on! I got the presentation ready! *Clomps away*

    Kokonoe: ...Uuuugh...Advice, nutbars, piss off...Riiight... *Yawns, smacking lips*

    *She remains on the couch, and looks into the camera*

    Kokonoe: That's right, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it's the Big Couch. Not just a couch, not just a big couch, but the Big Couch. You've read about it, you've heard about it, you've seen it on your color TV screen, it's the Big Couch. Lord, if this thing were any bigger, it would be leading Sector Seven instead of me. *Scratches her foot, purring idly*

    *She rats around under the skewed blanket, before retrieving a remote*

    *Hitting the button, she turns the monitor on; showing a picture of a humanoid silhouette*

    *Without looking, she begins the presentation*

    Kokonoe: Now, we need to discuss the finer points of mana and prana. Mana is known as the Greater Source, and is mysteriously fed to the world by the Great Soul, Akasha. Its native state is in nature, in great amounts, and it is the main power of nature spirits and elementals.

    *She hits a button, causing the graphic of a small fireball to flicker in the torso's belly*

    Kokonoe: As well, magic users are able to tap into the Lesser Source of mana within their body, known to some as Od. Od is produced by a magic user so long as they live, but the amount that a body can store up varies wildly from individual to individual.

    *She presses the button again, and the silhouette changes to a fighting stance, with flames dancing around its hands*

    Kokonoe: As for prana, it's a bit of a refined form of the energy in mana. By breathing and actively exercising the muscles, or by concentrating it through magical circuits, prana is converted into a form that can be used for Magecraft.

    *One more press of the button, and a horned figure with a grin appears*

    Kokonoe: Demons and some magical creatures, like certain dragons, are a different matter entirely. A simple exercise of energy, as simple to them as a human flexing their biceps, is able to create miracles which are impossible for mortal magi to replicate under normal circumstances. They're the @#%&, basically.

    *She lays her head back down on the Big Couch, and changes the monitor to show the Cooking Channel*

    Kokonoe: If you don't mind, I got some Unique Sweets to watch. Shoo. Shoo. Out with you. *Pulls a mysterious lever that wasn't there before, rotating the Big Couch to face away from the camera*

    *That is apparently that*

    *End scene*
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    Zev the Reveler
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    Re: Help Me! Professor Kokonoe!

    Post by Zev the Reveler on Sun Jan 06, 2013 3:08 pm

    Kokonoe: Blaaah. Lost child, enter. *Yaaawn*

    *As soon as the door opens, a stream of dark energies sears the wall*

    Kokonoe: Holy fu - *Ducks under a shadowy sphere that swoops up to take out the mounted monitor* Hey, you lunatic! I have to work here!!

    *None other than Blackout emerges, absolutely livid*

    Blackout: What is the meaning of this?! *Blows up a box of hardware* I will be released this instant!! *Starts to draw countless streams of dark energy into a huge vortex above his head* YOU VILE LITTLE CRET - AWCH!!!

    *A ceiling tile has suddenly fallen on his head, with the force of a meteorite*

    *Suddenly, Blackout finds his metal limbs wrapped with silvery-blue streamers; gravity is so vastly increased that he cannot rise*

    Kokonoe: *The streamers eminate from her hands* YOU DUMBASS!! I HATE MAGIC!! YOU CALM YOUR STUPID METAL a$$ DOWN OR IT'LL BE SHRAPNEL!!! URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHH!!

    Blackout: *Strains against his bonds, just barely getting his knees above the floor* You little...You can use Infinite Gravity so easily...I couldn't even find it in a spellbook! How did you master it? Tell me!! *Suddenly faceplants*

    Kokonoe: That's for me to know, and for you to fear. Are we ready to be a good little megalomaniacal soda can and listen to my sage advice?

    Blackout: *Muffled* Eat my metal conqueror's c - Urrrrrrgh.

    Kokonoe: I'd just call it the metal conqueror. So, here's my advice: don't let pride blind you. Know who your allies are, and who are pretending to be your allies, and don't keep them around if their danger outweighs their benefits. Also, know when to hold 'em, and when to fold 'em. You're the main villain, and UBL is sure as S**t not gonna let you die, but still, be wary of your own hubris. That's it.

    Blackout: *Forces head up* May I go now?

    Kokonoe: You are on the first flight out. *Flicks wrists*

    Blackout: *Goes rocketing through the door, and into the portal*

    Kokonoe: Good God almighty. Zev was right, Blackout is bonkers.

    *She brings in some repair drones, and retreats to the next room*
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    Re: Help Me! Professor Kokonoe!

    Post by Zev the Reveler on Mon Jan 07, 2013 11:14 am

    Kokonoe: Bluh bluhhh bluuuhhh. Lost child, get in here.

    *The portal gives a zap, and in walks a well-dressed woman with short, reddish brown hair in a tomboyish cut, glasses, and a cigarette dangling from her lips*

    Kokonoe: ...

    Touko: ...

    Kokonoe: ...

    Touko: ...What?

    Kokonoe: Put that out!! God, Touko, how many times have I told you that I can't stand cigarette smoke?!! Not to mention the goddamn fire hazard!!

    Touko: ... *Snuffs out the cigarette between her gloved finger and thumb* So. OMIC* carted me down here, promising me a few cartons of Dragon Smoke. No dice?

    Kokonoe: First, I would like to explain that "OMIC" is "Our Mutual Idiotic Controller," User Zev. Secondly, *tosses three strapped-together cartons of cigarettes, emblazoned with jade green Oriental dragons, to Touko* that douchebag is nothing if not resourceful.

    Touko: *Summons a suitcase to her hand, opens it up, and pitches the cigarettes in* Score. And before you ask, I was analyzing this space's dimensional properties on the way here, and used Numerology to construct a method for bringing my gear here.

    Kokonoe: That is so special. *Scowl* Listen, do you want my advice, or do you want to have one of our drifting conversations?

    Touko: Sure, pitch me some advice. *Idly inspects a box of some kind of machinery*

    Kokonoe: Have faith in your little sister, and be more of a role model to her. She's not going to take any responsibility for the Fifth Magic's consequences unless you show her the way.

    Touko: ...Fine. We done here?

    Kokonoe: Are you going to cop an attitude at the truth? I expected more out of the legendary Red, the 20-Circuit Prodigy, the one person who has stood by her sister Blue.

    Touko: ...I'm scared, Kokonoe. I'm scared of what happens if I tell her to do the wrong thing. If this gets messed up, there's no going back and fixing our problems. If the heat gets brought to us, then we lose me, we lose Aoko, and we lose everything.

    Kokonoe: It's not going to be easy to solve. But I assure you, I'm not just twiddling my thumbs and relying on you two pretty things. *Gives a reassuring smile* I'm mapping out little 'whorls' in the stream where the burden can be sunk into. Once I've found enough, I'll contact you and Aoko, and give you instructions on how to proceed.

    Touko: ...You are truly too kind. Thank you, Kokonoe. I -

    Kokonoe: Hey! Don't prostrate yourself! Shoo, shoo, out out out! *Flaps sleeves at her*

    Touko: Heh. You got it. *Runs out, before ducking back in*

    *She waves some kind of circuit board up and down, grinning*

    Touko: This will make lovely magical circuits for my puppets! *Runs out fully*

    Kokonoe: Hey, you!!

    *Zztch!*

    Kokonoe: Augh! Some people!!
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    Re: Help Me! Professor Kokonoe!

    Post by Zev the Reveler on Tue Jan 08, 2013 10:21 am

    Kokonoe: Double the lost children, double the head aches, double the mental scarring. Come on down!

    *Zzztch!*

    *...*

    *...*

    *...*

    Kokonoe: ...Where the hell are theeeeeeyyyyYOWWW!! *Hits the floor*

    *She feels her back grow extremely hot, and her eyes are stinging, temporarily blinded*

    *The door whirrs open, and bootclad feet clomp in*

    Kokonoe: *Finds herself lifted up by the collar* Urk?!! *Tries to blink the tears away*

    Rider: *Sniffs the air* ...This smells like a lab. Be careful, master. *Suddenly summons her chain weapon, and puts the tip below Kokonoe's chin*

    Kokonoe: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA!! WHAT IN THE NAME OF JESUS H. DICK ARE YOU DOING?!!

    Rider: *Jostles her, and presses the weapon closer* I ask the questions. Why have my master and I been summoned here?

    Kokonoe: THAT IMBECILE USER ZEV SENT YOU HERE FOR ADVICE!! *Rubs at eyes*

    Rider: Why would we need advice? My patience wears thin. *Gently presses closer to Kokonoe's neck*

    Kokonoe: HERE'S YOUR ADVICE - STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM RHEESE!! THAT PLANET IS ONE OF THE BOGEYMAN'S HAUNTS!! ONCE HE SMELLS A TARGET, HE'LL NEVER FORGET IT!!

    Rider: ... *Goes to throw Kokonoe to the floor* ...

    ???: Yasashiku shite kudasai.

    Rider: ...Yes, master. *Sets Kokonoe down, and gently kisses her eyes*

    Kokonoe: *Finds the pain going away* ...A curse? A curse?! YOU CURSED ME?!!

    Rider: Do not shout, please. Your voice is quite shrill.

    Kokonoe: Alright, alright. I'll try to be quiet. *Wss psss pss-pss wsss pss*

    Rider: What was that?

    Kokonoe: *Summons megaphone* I SAID YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE, BI-ATCH!!!

    Rider: *Stumbles away, hands clamped firmly over ears*

    ???: *Begins to fade into existence*

    Rider: Please, master...It's...Too dangerous...Urrgh...

    *Her master fully appears*

    Noodle: Thank you very much for your timely advice, Professor. It was the plan of Rider and I to head to Rheese next. Arigato gozaimasu. *Folds hands in front of self and bows slightly*

    Kokonoe: Yeah sure no problem. *Opens a bag of chips and gets down to munching*

    Noodle: Let's go Rider! *Turns invisible again, and runs out*

    Rider: ...Thank you ma'am. *Hurries out after*

    Kokonoe: What bullcrap. *Mnch-mnch-mnch*

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    Re: Help Me! Professor Kokonoe!

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