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    Stories From A Bored Wolf: Of Piracy, Ponies, and Adam Sandler

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    Stories From A Bored Wolf: Of Piracy, Ponies, and Adam Sandler

    Post by redwolfmoon99 on Wed Mar 05, 2014 11:42 pm

    There once was a girl, who I enjoyed the company of. 
    And so I asked her "What movies did you see?", to which she replied "I just saw Grown Ups 2. It was hilarious!"

    At that moment, my mind stopped, along with the rest of the party-goers. I stared into her face, barely managing to hide my distaste, and stuttered, "Oh... Uh, I...guess it could be funny. I heard good things..."

    She laughed, and that was that. We never discussed the movie again, because if we did, I would say something like "Holy S**t. I can't stand this. Get away from me. Screw you, and that movie." 

    But on further inspection of my introspection, I realised I've never even given the movie a chance. The first one, nor the second. I've only seen the trailers, with the deer pissing on Adam. 

    Was there a small possibility? A small possibility at all? That I would enjoy the movie? Yes, there was a possibility. For in an infinite universe, there is a statistic possibility for anything. And so, I reconsidered my preposition of not seeing the movie. I had no Netflix. So, I had no option but to pirate it.

    It was a deep, dark night and the stars were out chirping to each other, like birds that chirped to each other. I opened up Google Chrome and typed in 'pirate bay grownups 2'. As I checked through the listings, I arranged it by seeding order and clicked on the top one.

    "Hmm, guess I'm gonna do this..." I said to myself in the darkness of my room, computer monitor glowing against my face, like a giant firebug in front of me with its a$$ staring me in the face.

    I downloaded the link, and slowly began to torrent the movie 'Grown Ups 2'. I went downstairs to prepare a meal: An oven-toasted pizza and some fruit juice. I prefer a coke, but it wasn't on sale then, so we only had fruit juice. The torrent began to download. 12 days... 7 days... 4 days... 27 hours... 20 hours... 17...

    I returned upstairs with my pizza and snack. 2 minutes remaining for 'Grown Ups 2' to finish downloading. I let out a sigh, and took a sip of my fruit juice as the screen finished. 'Stop seeding', I clicked because I was an asshole.

    Just then, a creak at my door.
    "Hello?" I called out.

    Suddenly, the door exploded inwardly and hit against the wall, crashing my bookcase over, like an overweight walrus on a Wednesday night.

    I fell back in my chair, like a child in a fetal position, my eyes shut, awaiting my death. Nothing came, but the soft breathing of the creature at the door. I opened my eyes slowly. At first, the light was bright and stung my eyes. But as it adjusted, I saw a figure. A human. A man, and a pony. It was Adam Sandler with a pony.

    He walked into the room and said "Why you downloaded my movie?"

    Unable to comprehend the situation, I replied weakly "I'm sorry, Mister Sandler. I..I wanted to give you a second chance."

    "Then go out to Best Buy and buy it on the Blu-ray."

    "I..I'm sorry, Mister Sandler. I don't have a Blu-ray."

    Adam Sandler reached into his pocket. He slowly took out a 17-inch blade and licked it.

    "Do I have to slit this pony's throat open to get your attention?"

    "N-no! No, Mister Sandler! You don't need to do any of that!"

    "Oh, I think I do."

    He grabbed the pony by the back of her mane, and pushed her head up like a PEZ dispenser. I looked in mute horror as a smile flashed across Adam Sandler's face as he put the knife under the jugular of the pony. The pony turned her head and looked at Adam. She turned her head and looked at me. For a moment, it felt as if the pony, myself and I were connected in one infinite line. Neverending...

    The pony winked at me, and in one swift, quick movement, Adam Sandler ripped open the pony's throat. Blood exploded on the floor of my room. I screamed in shock, in horror. The pony collapsed immediately and began gurgling death throes. I looked at Adam Sandler as he began to laugh.

    "So, you gonna delete my movie? Or do I have to kill...two ponies....?"

    I looked at Adam Sandler and went to My Documents. 'Delete Grown Ups 2'.

    "Don't forget to empty the Recycling Bin!" He screamed at me in a snake-like voice. I emptied the Recycling Bin and later on, took my hard-drive out and burned it in the back yard.

    Adam Sandler, after I emptied the Recycle Bin, licked the blood clean off the knife and slowly backed out of my room. The door shut by itself and as I blinked, the pony and the blood on the floor disappeared.

    I've never watched another Adam Sandler movie, but if I ever do, I'm gonna go to the Goddamn movie theatre. 'Cos he killed a freaking pony in my room, and that S**t's scary.

    Last edited by redwolfmoon99 on Wed Mar 05, 2014 11:54 pm; edited 1 time in total
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    Re: Stories From A Bored Wolf: Of Piracy, Ponies, and Adam Sandler

    Post by Kon on Wed Mar 05, 2014 11:50 pm

    I first lost it at the firebug analogy, lost it again at the room invasion, then lost my sanity at the end.

    Great job, man. You have obviously taken inspiration from greentexts Laughing

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