Must Be A Ctarl Thing

Hello; my name is Hot Ice Hilda, feared and revered outlaw. You may have heard of me from such debacles as the Breakdown of the Emelka Coference, the First Shot of the Tobba-Tobba Massacre, and the Magenta Incident. I have not necessarily been a good girl all my life, but I have some nicer qualities. I like fuzzy slippers. I enjoy writing. I garden. Well...I don't so much garden, as keep half of my plants barely alive, and hope the others died mercifully.

To keep up with the costs of this damn ship, the Desperado, I normally have to live from bounty to bounty, raid to space pirate raid, hoping that I don't run out of cigarettes or booze and shoot up my crew. I rarely get to or even opt to take vacations. So, when Ctarl-Ctarl Officer Aisha Clanclan offered to bring me along to a big shindig for one of her race's most eminent holidays, I was all-too happy to oblige. "We just have to pick up some guests and chefs," she told me. "We just have to get a little token of offering from Datrio, it'll be a cakewalk to get it," she assured me. After the conga line of crudity, grotesque mischief, and otherworldly encounters, I remembered why I so rarely put any degree of faith in that woman.

I also remembered why I don't opt to take vacations.

-End of Prologue-

Most unfortunately, our little trip hit a snag. Melfina had come down with a fever, and Gilliam had to keep her in her navigation tank to try and manage a safe recovery. Thus, we had to rent a ship from Fred Luo. The damn thing smelled like feet. That was actually a small creature comfort for me, as the Desperado's antiseptic smell really makes me bug out after a few months of travel. What I didn't like was how cold it was. Its contained environment only had enough power to keep us alive, and breathing safely.

I believe I've mentioned in other writings of my life story that I only like the cold when I'm able to stay warm. The only refuge from this cold was under the stiff sheets of one of our three bunkbed sets. The pillow felt like it was just motorcycle seat leather hidden in a dull gray case. We had a DVD player and a TV set, but only three DVDs. We had to save those up for a more boring day than what we were certain lay ahead. Thankfully, we were able to stop at Blue Heaven to pick up some essentials. "Red Dog Rum, Betelgeuse Wine, and Deadman Cigs," my shopping list went. Aisha handled the doughnuts, hot dogs, burgers, and chicken; not to mention boo koo dim sum. I would caution anyone else against pigging out on a journey to a big feast, but to be honest, I'd have to portion my own food out and hide it somewhere if I didn't want to starve from Aisha's binge eating.

While we were there, we met a strange girl. She was sitting on a street corner, near the docks. The girl had dark, messy hair, pale skin, and a porcelain cat mask that showed her thin lips. She wore a white and red dress, one piece and with a short skirt; fingerless, elbow-height gloves; and some kind of cross between knee-high boots and spats. This girl was sporting a menacing scowl, and carried a heavy metal briefcase on her lap. I was about to caution Aisha, before her scratchy voice nearly busted out my eardrum from so close. "Hey!! Girl!! Why are you sitting alone? You look lonely!!" I facepalmed. Good God, Aisha was...Well, she was just being Aisha, I suppose. Needless to say, out of the many street-goers whom we got looks from, the girl Aisha had yelled at smoothly rose to her feet. This was uncomfortable now.

She stepped up to us, and seemed to look straight at me. Time to play hardball. "Show me your eyes when you feel like talking. I have an eye patch, I've seen ugly mugs, I won't judge." The girl slid her mask up on top of her head without a word. Her eyes were but narrow slits, but the left was swollen with a bruise. As well, she had a pair of small cuts on her right cheek. "Alright," I said, "I might be convinced to let you come along. You need some food, from how skinny you are. Do you have anything in that briefcase that might convince me?" Still playing the silence game, she popped the clasps on her briefcase, hefted it up, and opened so I could see.

Within was some kind of oversized blaster, with a huge disc of a battery that resembled a tommy gun's ammo. A pair of daggers were also held within, as well as a curious rod-shaped device. She was quick to close the case before anyone else could see. We stared at each other for a few long moments, before I nodded.

"You're in."