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    Ballad of the Bad Guys

    Zev the Reveler
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    Ballad of the Bad Guys

    Post by Zev the Reveler on Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:03 am

    Chap. 1

    ~ ~ ~

    In a crack of thunder and a flash of lightning, Caiaphus calmly strolled through the entrance of a massive tower. Made of dim gray metal and known as the Dime Tower, this was an interdimensional Truce Zone - Where villains, anti-heroes, and anti-villains could gather, without having to worry about heroes barging in to save the day while looking fabulous. Seeing as how hell most likely ran on money, it was absolutely obscenely grotesquely opulent, while also catering to any kind of villain. However, Caiaphus was merely here to get a quick meal and go.

    He stopped in front of the obligatory Vampire Butler. With a flash of fangs and a swift motion of his thumb to wipe the blood from his lips, the cultured man rose up in full from behind his semi-circular metal desk. "Greetings, Lord Caiaphus." Oh yes, and he had the most delightfully menacing kind of English accent. Not the kind of English accent that can be found on Earth, but the very distilled essence of every English villain to ever come into existence. You should hear him go on angry rants, it's a Universal brown note you see. "We've reserved you a table with the Sovereign Slayer. Do be careful, now - He hasn't had his rabies shots ever since he terminated his last Universe."

    A Universe? A Universe. Oh lovely. Caiaphus made his entirely arbitrary payment for his meal and headed out to the dining area. We could go over the villains there, except that it would take ages, so we won't. However, we will talk about the table that Caiaphus was indicated to go to. There sat a menacing canine, with a blood-drenched, shorn cloth of some kind around his neck, messily folded wings, and a single arm steeped in blood. He was currently feasting on the complementary dinner rolls, and generally making a bloody mess all over the place. See what I did there? I'm so evil. Haa haa hee hee hoo hoo. Yes.

    Regardless, Caiaphus took his seat and stared flatly at Jack Noir. He knew the Universe thing sounded familiar, and now, he had to put up with a mute harbringer of destruction. Taking out a book, Caiaphus began to read. Until the oddest thing happened. "Hey. Ain't you supposed to be dead?" A bit surprised that Jack had actually said something, Caiaphus took a good long look at him. "Knew it. I can smell someone who's supposed to be dead from fifty paces. 'Specially kids. I hate kids. Only thing they're good for is crying like hormonal pansies and getting killed." He ate an entire dinner roll in one go and scowled.

    It's a curious thing, seeing a scowl on a canine muzzle. Caiaphus marked his place and set his book down. "Yes," the Makuta said smoothly, "I do suppose that death has nipped at my heels a few more times and a bit more closely than I care for. However, a trifle such as dying won't keep my goals from coming to pass." This was certainly an intriguing fellow. However, the real inspection would come when they were ordering. 'Tell me what you eat, and I'll tell you who you are,' as they say, and Caiaphus could read a person's mannerisms just from their outfit in a photo. He had never, however, seen something quite like Jack Noir.

    When their server came around, Caiaphus politely allowed Jack to order first: if only because the Sovereign Slayer was guaranteed to shoehorn his order in should the other attempt to go first. "I want every kind of steak you can get," he began. Then, he proceeded to rattle off the most convoluted, intricate order Caiaphus had ever heard. "I want your finest charcuterie, the freshest meat, plenty of small animals. Give me a liver patté, topped with chicken blood. I know it's breaking procedure, just fix it. Yeah, give me a turducken too. Two, make it two as a matter of fact. And for dessert, sticky toffee pudding." Caiaphus noted that, throughout this near-tirade, Jack hadn't needed to look at his menu once.

    Once he'd managed to get the entire order down, the server turned a frightful eye to Caiaphus. "I'll just have a glass of wine, for now," he said calmly. "A nice bordeaux, if you please." The harried server made that last note and rushed away. Jack Noir glared at Caiaphus. Caiaphus definitely knew how to press someone's buttons, without clearly letting them know why they were getting agitated.

    This was going to be an interesting dinner.
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    Re: Ballad of the Bad Guys

    Post by Klak on Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:10 am

    This looks like it's going to be an awesome story, and it's definitely quite funny. This is great! XD


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