From across time and space, this utter nonsense returns once more.
~ ~ ~
1. Peep on the girls of BZPower Battles at your own risk. We will not pay your medical bills.
1a. That means you, Zev.
2. Viriathus does not have "magic fingers," and she does not lust after vulnerable, injured men. Telling this to new members of the Bebop II's crew is forbidden.
2a. Neither can you say this about Blackout. That's just sick.
3. Zev is not a furry, his typical female allies notwithstanding.
3a. ...Holy crap, he actually is? Whoa. Our mistake, then. Carry on. Yes.
4. Ynot, if you have to ask, you probably shouldn't fight it in a duel.
4a. The above rule has been repealed as it simply encourages Ynot not to ask.
5. Chrome Dokuro, if you are going to bring papers to meetings, they cannot be Character Sheets.
6. Anyone who tries to steal Namah's journal will be punished by Namah herself, however she sees fit.
6a. That means yes, Zev, she's allowed to use the spiked ballgag and electrified whip on you.
7. Please do not goad Viriathus and F-Klak into playing strategic conquering boardgames with each other. We don't want them re-enacting these battles in real life. Again.
8. Ryoko is not be woken from her naps by anyone in the Bebop II, anyone affiliated with the Bebop II, anyone affiliated with BZPower Battles, or any of BZPower Battles's enemies. She wakes up when she wants to. And Zev's wounds still haven't completely healed from the last time he woke her up on the wrong side of a hangover.
9. Note to Shinigami, as well: It is not allowed for anyone to arrange missions into Hueco Mundo to search for a female Arrancar's "Secret Hole." Nor is it allowed to tell new members of BZPB that finding the "Secret Hole" is an alternate method of promotion.
10. Blackout does not need "to get laid," Viriathus does not need "a hot d!cking," and Zev does not have "performance problems." Honestly, you people are giving us the impression that we're not giving you nearly enough paperwork to fill your days.
11. Viriathus is NOT to be referred to as "The Funny Bunny."
12. Zev is NOT to be referred to as "That One Far-Out Samurai Hippie."
13. And CERTAINLY don't make "horny" jokes around Namah.
14. We do not give the Baterra sugar. EVER.
15. Dorothy Wayneright is NOT a Steel Angel. Trying to convince her of this and then looking for her "on switch" is a punishable offense.
16. Zev, just assume the answer is no.
16a. The same goes for you, Blackout.
17. Wekiga, Blackout, and Ravat are not allowed to get together to find out who's the best torturor. It is extremely messy, and the Chousin can find better things for you to do. Like paperwork.
18. The next person to try and kill Fran on sight is dead meat. Only I'm allowed to do that to Froggy. - Belphegor
19. Despite her violence and certain traits of her appearance, Viriathus is NOT the vorpal bunny reincarnated. Everyone involved in the matter is to cease telling this to new recruits on the Bebop II.
19a. ...Even if it gives Vi herself a good laugh out of it.
20. Do not try to match wits with Vulpes. You'll only hurt yourself.
20a. BECAUSE HE FIGHTS DIRTY IN CONTESTS OF WITS - Zev
20b. GO AWAY OR I SHALL TAUNT YOU A SECOND TIME - Vulpes
20c. Quiet down, you two.
21. Do not call Shroom "Bob Marley Man." Once again, we won't pay your medical bills.
22. Do not ask Moss if the drapes match the carpet. Just...Ugh.
22a. The same goes for Draak'ha. WHAT is your problem!?
23. It is hereby illegal to kill and/or maim your own allies for the following reasons:
- "They made fun of Wuzzlefuzzle." That goes for you, Zev.
- "They looked like interesting test subjects." That goes for both Blackout and Kokonoe.
- "They looked at my sister." Once again, we're looking at you, Zev.
- "They touched my Kokonoe doll." That goes for you, Makoto.
24. Carving your name into the walls of someone's fortress with your bare hands is not required to join a BZPower Battles faction.
25. Please do not urinate into blue puddles. - Kokonoe
26. Chrome Dokuro does not wear that eyepatch because she "had an unfortunate accident running with scissors," and it is a punishable offense to spread this rumor. That is a horrible thing to do to her.
26a. I mean seriously! She can't even take being on a pirate-themed episode of a show without crying! What were you goons thinking!?
27. Only Akira Kogami and Wekiga are allowed to call Nefelpitou "Stud Kitty."
27a. If you want to know why Wekiga's included, ask him yourself. We'll arrange your funeral in the meantime.
28. No, Zev. No choo-choo for you. We don't know why you'd want a train, but we know very well that it would only end in tears.
29. Note to those visiting the Seireitei: That gigantic execution device that looks like a guillotine on steroids is not, in fact, a see-saw.
29a. Nor is it a swing.
29b. Seriously, Pitou, we're sure someone's got a playground somewhere.
29c. NO YOU MAY NOT ASK NABONIDUS TO MAKE ONE FOR YOU, DAMMIT. Seriously, I think we can put "completely deranged" beyond a possibility...
30. No, Dorothy Wayneright does not have a "rocket punch."
30a. We don't care how hard she punched you out of reflex, Zev, it was just a regular punch.
30b. Seriously, shut up! No one believes you!
30c. ...I believe me... - Zev
31. Ed does NOT have a suitcase that she carries Dorothy in.
31a. Yes, we're sure.
32. No one is allowed to show Kokonoe or Blackout Neon Genesis Evangelion. Ever. At all. No. We're not sure what would happen, but we don't want to find out.
32a. THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO, WASHU
33. No one is allowed to give Wekiga kittens and tell him they're a a delicacy on many planets.
33a. This applies to all cute and cuddly animals, you people are sick.
34. Inversely, Zev, we'll be watching you on this "Flying Kitten Army" nonsense.
34a. Good Lord who Art in Heaven!! It was true!! IT WAS AAALLLLL TRUUUUUUUUUUE!!
35. Okay, tell Wekiga that Flying Kittens which shoot Piraka-style eyeblasts are delicacies.
36. Zev, we know you like that Jade Tablet Communicator, but the little glowing green kittens running all over the ship to give people inspirational messages is keeping everyone from getting their work done. We'll allow you to keep it, since you adore that thing so much, but just exercise some common sense.
37. No one is allowed to start singing "I Don't Know How To Love Him" when Namah walks past Zev in the hallways. Once again, Namah herself will handle punishment.
38. Klak, stop picking on Koenma. We already have enough problems with Hell, dammit.
39. Zev Raregroove, whatever you have been doing with Kokonoe, STOP IT RIGHT NOW. She's been humming while she works and giving unconditional compliments, and that is scarier than Namah AND Makoto on a simultaneous sugar rush.
40. There will be no investigations into gender-swapped BZPB characters in other Universes.
40a. BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO SEE WHAT KIND OF UNSPEAKABLE EVILS A FEMALE BLACKOUT WOULD ACCOMPLISH AT THAT TIME OF THE MONTH, DAMMIT!!
40b. Plus, it's terrifying to consider what could happen to make Pitou look more effeminate.
40c. Overall, just drop it. And no one bring up a female Nabonidus. God I just threw up a little.
41. F-Klak is no longer allowed to serve cake, no matter how delicious it is.
42. Do not challenge Blackout to a friendly game of chess. He's enough of a menace as it is.
43. Pitou, you are to stop keeping wooden plaques with people's names on them and going up to measure their heads.
43a. No matter how inordinately pleased Makoto is that her plaque is next to Kokonoe's.
43b. And no matter how amusing Zev thinks his plaque is.
43c. And for God's sakes, don't let him see Tamao's or Anna's plaques.
44. Any and all video surveillance of Misaki Masaki Raregroove's private quarters is to be sent to the Bebop II Men's Association for review.
44a. LIKE HELL YOU'LL PEEP ON MY MOMMY!! APOCALYPSE NOW!!
44b. Rule 44 has been repealed so as to keep Zev from going nuclear on our @sses.
45. Evangeline A.K. McDowell is not allowed anywhere near Ravat.
45a. They...They just smiled...Then...Blood! Everywhere! Oh God... *tearmarks smudge this rule*
45b. Those involved in the 'Ravat-A.K. McDowell Smile' incident are entitled to free counseling.
45c. Alcohol does not count as counseling. Though it helps, dammit.
46. Please refrain from asking Pitou if he is a sadist. We still have no idea how the little pieces of these recruits wound up all over an entire Solar System.
47. To whoever has told Misaki, Makoto, and Haruko that it is their duty to hug the injured and traumatized into their bosoms and make cooing noises...You are a saint. I will cook you breakfast, lunch, and dinner at any beck and call if you tell me who you are.
48. Rule 47 has been repealed. Those responsible are serving out their punishments.
49. Zev is NOT the God of "Lookin' For Fun And Feelin' Groovy," and it is unsightly to see recruits worshipping him in public.
49a. Just because those who worship him seem to become funkalicious and righteous does not mean his unfathomable power is leaking down into his priests.
50. Zev the User is NOT the Great Attractor and the End of the Universe.
50a. Even if you swore you saw a bottle of Coke float across the room and into his hand, Klak.
51. No one is to mention "Oedipus Complex" and/or "Motherf##ker" around Zev.
52. Wekiga is hereby no longer allowed anywhere near London or Rome.
52a. Also tell Hellsing and Iscariot that we'll try to reign in our monster if they'll reign in theirs.
53. Nefelpitou is hereby banned from the premises of the Bebop II Women's Association Office.
53a. Trying to sneak him in is futile, Kokonoe.
54. Elvis is win. You. Must. Remember.
55. Ed is hereby banned from Kokonoe's and Washu's labs until...Forever.
55a. Seriously, Mad Scientist Ed is too God-Mode for even us.
56. Zev, stop bothering Superman.
56a. Seriously, he's already holding down at least two jobs, he doesn't need you pestering him.
56b. That DIDN'T mean to start bothering the rest of the Justice League.
57. Also, Blackout is not allowed to recruit Batman and/or the Joker.
57a. Even if they both do a good job of scaring Zev into behaving.
58. Note that it is not allowed to use Hell for dumping waste.
58a. Yes, Blackout, failed experiments count as waste.
58b. And yes, Ravat, that includes those you consider pathetically weak getting thrown into hell in hopes that they'll come back with cursed armaments, glowing eyes, and the ability to fulfill your need for soldiers.
58c. Seriously, do you two have any idea how bad Koenma's been riding our @sses over all of the new S-Class Demons that have been popping up?
59. There is no officially-sponsored version of Monopoly: BZPower Battles Edition. Uterio, stop it.
60. Stay the hell away from Haruhi Suzumiya and her SOS Brigade.
60a. Yes, that includes Kyon. While wimpy, he possesses sarcasm and overprotective females (Plus one male) with bizarre and deadly powers.
60b. Shroom, ZEV, GET BACK HERE!!
61. All issues of Icha-Icha: Bebop II Beach Paradise are to be delivered to the Bebop II Women's Association without delay.
61a. We have a list of all those they were sold to, and if you don't give them up, we will lock you in the brig, give Ed several Pixie Sticks and a couple of Cokes, and toss her in with you.
62. Despite the flattering rumor, Blackout does not "bang a dozen chicks every morning."
62a. Yeah, it's more like twenty...
62b. SHUT UP ZEV
63. Do not get in betweem Kokonoe, Namah, or Haruko and a box of dark chocolates. You will regret ever being born if you do.
64. Pitou's medication is to forcefully be given to him every day until he "gets back on track."
64a. Correction: His CURRENT medication.
64b. Correction: His CURRENT medication, CORRECT DOSAGE.
64c. Honestly people, as hilarious as it was for the women AND MEN who survived without fainting from nosebleeds, we don't want him running about, cheeks to the breeze, doing Sailor Moon poses and quotes again. In all, it was horribly distasteful and greatly humiliated him. We're honestly surprised he hasn't made attempts on Kokonoe yet, as she was laughing the loudest.
65. We are no longer allowed to play Why Should I Worry? by Billy Joel.
65a. Because Zev turns into an inconsolable, blubbering ninny at memories of Oliver and Company.
66. In a similar vein, just avoid anything that relates to movies from childhood. Because for Zev, childhood is not so much an "earlier period of being" as "a constant way of life." To put it frankly, he turns into a sobbing baby at anything even remotely sad.
66a. NO I DON'T!! - Zev
66b. Yes you do. "You've gotta move, Artax!!"
66c. Artax... *tearstains smudge the ink*
66d. Lord. Someone get Misaki on this.
67. Catgirls are sentient beings with souls. Thus, there will be no more keeping them as pets.
68. Teaching Ed annoying, repetitive songs is forbidden. SHE. DOES. NOT. STOP.
70. There will be no rule between 68 and 70, because APPARENTLY, Kokonoe and Makoto are just not mature enough to handle it.
71. Misaki, no more matchmaking attempts. Please.
72. Dorothy is not an undying Deus Machina / God Machine left behind by Teridax to assassinate Blackout.
73. Though it is refreshing to see him get jumpy, even if only for a few minutes at a time.
74. After last week's unpleasantness, coffee is hereby banned from the Ironclad.
75. Keep those 'Lotus Assassin' freaks out of the Bebop II! Zev can't stop pissing himself in fear everytime he sees one, and I consider them creepy and more than just a bit nuts. - Viriathus
75a. Request denied. Creepy and nuts they may be, but they are damn useful. Besides, they keep Vultran happy.
76. Note: It is hereby illegal to say that Zev makes so many weapons to overcompensate for a small...That.
76a. Even if it's the truth and you find it funny. Please stop, Ed.
76b. It isn't true. Plain and simple. - Bebop II Women's Association
77. ...Wait a minute. How did Ed even know how big Zev's...? OH GOD THAT'S DISGUSTING AND ILLEGAL
77a. Maybe that's the same reason he's on such good terms with Vi. - Anonymous
77b. Firstly, whoever makes fun of Viriathus's bust size will be made into shooting targets. And as for the Ed and Zev situation, and I quote, "Ed walked in on Zevvy right when he was leavin' the shower~! Musta been a cold shower 'cuz - Heheh, heheheheh~!" There. Zev's reputation is...Kinda safe.
78. Whoever gave Namah the Kama Sutra...Thank you. - Zev
78a. Alright, who gave it to Ed? We're not mad, we just want to know who it was so we can punish them.
78b. SCREW THAT!! I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'LL KILL THEM, AND KILL THEM, AAAAAND KIIIIILLLLL THEEEMMMMM!! - Vi
78c. Whoever did it, own up to Makoto now before Vi finds you.
79. All females in the Bureau of Research & Development require background screening and psychological examinations before they are allowed to engage in sexual intercourse with any Bebop II personnel of around Shroom to Zev to Pitou's level.
79a. Yes, Kokonoe. We all heard your candy-drunk "Super Babies of DOOM" rant.
80. Cat toys are not to be thrown away. - Pitou & Kokonoe
81. No matter how amusing it may be, lacing the new guys's food and drink with hallucinogens and sending them on patrol is not funny.
82. Beans are neither magical, nor fruit.
83. There is no such thing as a Natural 20. Telling new recruits that writing the number 20 on their equipment will save their lives is wrong.
84. Elvis and the Architect are not the same entity.
85. Races between Pitou, Vi, Yoruichi Shihouin, and Minato Namikaze are allowed - However, they shall require a proper permit.
86. Hyperprotonic missiles are NOT "the Universal form of greeting when power is out."
86a. Or for use in pranks.
86b. Or for "accidentally" destroying monuments which were erected in Uterio's honor.
87. Note: Neither the Bebop II, the Soja, nor In Amber-Clad are intended for joyrides in neutral space.
87a. Not even if you're out of booze.
87b. Or out of candy.
87c. DAMMIT PEOPLE, THESE ARE VESSELS WHICH IMPART A GREAT RESPONSIBILITY!! THEY'RE NOT TOYS!!
88. We'll kindly ask Ravat to cool it with all the tunnels. We have quite enough for supply transports on just about any side of these multi-front wars, and Toph Bei-Fong is having an "episode" because of all the unnatural earth movement on her new home planet.
89. Please refrain from using combat ability-enhancing drugs. The only ability they enhance is your ability to get a weapon stuck in your chest.
90. No, we won't adopt the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates" for official use. Stop asking.
91. Kokonoe is not amused with the jack@sses who keep throwing spherical objects in her direction.
92. Viriathus and Ynot are hereby to stop their competition to turn out the most badass fighter from wimps.
92a. I don't care if you already have Wayne penciled as your ship's Second-Mate, Vi. Ynot's proud smile when that Longbottom boy whacked Riddle's snake was so disturbing that many of our lower-ranking members still haven't uncurled from the fetal position, even with Misaki's coddling and care.
92b. Besides, Ravat wants in on the next round, and the lot of us are quite franky terrified at the thought of what he'll come up with.
93. Blackout and Haruko Haruhara are no longer allowed to spend time together unless they're fighting.
93a. The reason being that Haruko is a bad influence. Blackout the evil conqueror we can handle - Blackout the satyriatic prankster, we can't.
94. On a related note, Zev and Haruko are to cool it with the scooter tricks a bit. This is getting out-of-hand, you two.
95. Please tell the Puma Sisters that we're sorry, but they have to go home.
95a. Spread the news to the other women involved in this, and please tell Zev, Shroom, and Ryoko that they should be ashamed of themselves. Pitou does not deserve this.
95b. STOP BRIBING CATGIRLS TO OFFER THEIR BODIES TO PITOU, YOU SICK, PERVERTED CHUCKLEF##KS!!
95c. What do you MEAN it was Pitou's idea in the first place!?
96. Burning wicker effigies of hated enemies in public is no longer considered an acceptable passtime.
97. Henceforth, Blackout and Washu are now required to have their "Mad Scientist Battles" on uninhabited planets, and will be getting no help in cleaning up the mess.
98. If Liquid Ocelot ever comes back again, all members are charged to kill him on sight.
99. The "Beaverstick" and "Beaverchucks" are henceforth banned as weapons. The WSA and RSCPA are already on our case about them.
100. Kokonoe is not allowed to "examine" members of Organization XIII.
101. The residents of Whipstaff Manor are to be left alone.
102. Until this nonsense with anime pirating is settled, no one may watch internet videos.
102. After thorough investigation, we have found that there is no evidence that episodes of Strike Witches, Dominion Tank Police, and All-Purpose Cultural Catgirl Nuku Nuku are being pirated by BZPB Members. - Zev Raregroove, Makoto Nanaya, Nefelpitou
103. Kokonoe, you are to cease and desist with your "Super Babies of DOOM" schemes.
103a. Also, Misaki and Pitou would like to have a word about what you did to their coffee.
104. Whoever gave Blackout the schematics for the Striker Units, the Chousin will deal with you when you least expect it.
104a. Because the b@stard figured out that he'd have the ultimate Anti-Zev Air Weaponry if he equipped them to adorable Witches like the original concept.
105. It is not possible to create Arrancar hybrids with living creatures.
105a. That means stop trying, Uterio. Zev and Neliel are not amused with you.
105b. And the thing they're angry about is not how you forced them to do the Fusion Dance.
105c. Henceforth, NO ONE is allowed to serve Neliel tu Oderschvank oysters and lock her in a room with Zev.
105d. Not even if "It would be hilarious and make for excellent replay value on video."
106. Whoever's been sneaking those Buxomise Pills from the Princess Maker universe into drinks on the Bebop II, you are AWESOME!!
107. The writer of Rule 106 has been dealt with. All Buxomise Pills are to be turned into the Bebop II Women's Association for disposal.
108. Zev Raregroove and Nefelpitou are hereby declared Class A Mutagenic Factors and as such, under Article 7 Clause 5 of the Containment of Dangerous Substances Act, they are confined to the Bebop II's R&D Labs. - Kokonoe
109. Zev and Shroom are now declared the Bebop II's Resident Janitors. - Viriathus
110. Rule 109 has been repealed, women of the Bebop II. Zev and Shroom will not be stopping by your quarters to "fix your leaky pipes" as Kokonoe put it.
111. Repeal of Rule 109 is hereby punishable by being made into moving targets for my shooting practice. - Viriathus
112. Rule 109's repeal has been made void - How did she do that...?
113. For the LAST TIME, Ed, STOP HACKING INTO ORBITAL WEAPONRY!!
113a. Yes, even if it's just to draw smiley faces on the planets below using lasers.
114. Special Forces Tech Expert Flarnith, you are hereby ordered to dismantle your anti-Blackout craft. Those things are freaking everyone out, and Blackout hasn't stopped shaking ever since you fired those "Prettification Missiles" into Darkmount.
114a. Calm down, Blackout. We've almost got the last of the flowers and pink cloud matter scraped off of the hull.
114b. Worth it. - Flarnith
115. The technology of peace is a lie.
115a. Nod is banned from the BZPB Universe.
116. Blackout, stop harassing the Doctor.
116a. Blackout is hereby banned from the Tardis.
117. Zev, you are hereby banned from Jersey City.
117a. No matter how awesome Coop and Megas are.
117b. It's only a matter of time before you try to bring the Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann into this, and that will NOT end well.
117c. Whoever posted that rule, good job. New Rule:
118. Everyone is to exercise judgment with these rules. We don't want to give people like Zev and Blackout fresh ideas.
119. Ignore the imp in the stupid hat. He'll be gone in 90 days.
120. These are hereby no longer suitable battlecries:
- "Tobi is a good boy!"
- "Art is a bang, un!"
- "Screw you guys, I'm goin' home!"
- "Reh-spect mah aw-thaw-reh-taw!!"
- "LEROY JENKINS"
- "For the harem!"
120a. Or "Pony."
120b. And it is NOT a good day to die.
120c. It's a good day for someone ELSE to die!! - Ynot
120d. Although, Zev has already laid claim to "Apocalypse Now!!"
120e. And anyone using "It's-a Mario!" will be executed on sight.
121. New member of BZPower Battles Shannon Foraker, the Chousin would like to inform you that "Oops." does not constitute a full report on what exactly befell Blackout.
121a. Shannon Foraker has been promoted to Darkmount's Head of Special Projects. Starscream is acting commander of Darkmount until Blackout recovers.
122. Fights between Sasuke Uchiha and Nefelpitou are to be organized so as to "beat the emo out of the little brat."
123. Blackout is not allowed to cook. Ever.
124. Kanna Bismarch, Matilda Matisse, and Marion Phauna are ordered to stop using their Shamanic techniques to cheat on game shows.
125. No member of BZPower Battles are allowed to fight anyone with red hair.
125a. This includes anyone whose hair turns red.
126. Any and all Netherworlds are hereby off-limits.
126a. We don't need those godly-powerful lunatics coming here!
126b. Even if Pleinair's creepiness makes Zev and Blackout and F-Klak behave.
126c. And bringing the Succubi and Nekomata here is just cruelty to Zev.
127. My office is no longer to be used for escaping fangirls. - Vi
127a. Get out, Zev. There's nothing for you to see here.
127b. Really? I'm quite interested as to all of these costumes in your closet... - Zev
127c. GET OUT NOW!!
127d. already gone - Zev
128. An addendum to Rule 125: No one is allowed to fight ANYONE whose hair changes color at all.
128a. Except for Sasuke. Keep beating the emo out of him, Pitou.
128b. May I use the sledgehammer this time? - Pitou
128c. Sure. Go ahead.
129. Tokimi-kami-sama does not have a sense of humor. Tell jokes around her at your own risk.
129a. That's not true, Washu-nee. My sense of humor is just...Unique.
129b. Translation: You're boring, Tall Lady~ - Ed
129c. ...Washu is hereby allowed to do research into how exactly Ed got away with saying that.
130. No one, I mean NO ONE is to ask Misaki Masaki Raregroove her age.
130a. How do you think I got balljoints for elbows and knees? - Pitou
130b. I have no idea what you're talking about~! - Misaki
131. Nobody is to ask Yuuka whether she lays eggs.
131a. If you do, we'll leave Shroom, Moss, Draak'ha, AND Ursakune to deal with you.
132. Fuyuki City is hereby off-limits.
132a. No, Ynot, there's nothing there, nothing at all. It's actually quite peaceful.
132b. [CLASSIFIED] No Namah, you may not use a future version of yourself to participate in the Holy Grail War.
133. As Kamina seems to have permanently badassed himself back to life, we must now accept that the Great Gurren Brigade is an official BZPB Faction.
134. Kamina, please limit the number of your recruits - Extremely minor characters are flocking from all factions to join the Great Gurren Brigade.
135. Kamina, it is not okay to just freely hand out mecha however you please.
135a. Hey look! I got Kokonoe and Yoruichi into a couple of catgirl mecha! - Kamina
135b. May we suggest some uniforms? - Pitou & Makoto & Gotei 13, 2nd Division Captain Sui Feng
136. Henceforth, anyone visiting alternate-Universe Earths to still exist are now required to undergo gruelling communcation training.
136a. This is due to the Ten-Way Gang War in New York, New York [Earth 43] started by misuse of gang-signals.
136b. Let's be honest, Ed did NOT belong in that part of town anyway.
137. Zev is hereby no longer to be requested for Zanpakuto reassignments just so you can turn your zanpakuto's spirit into a smokin' hot babe/stud.
138. Pitou, please stop stalking Haineko. She's just not that into you.
139: OKAY OKAY KEEP STALKING HER JUST PUT TERPSICHORA AWAY YOU PSYCHOPATH
140. Zev is hereby ordered to let Suzumebachi out of that mason jar with holes drilled in the lid.
140a. ...Aaand please take her out of the little baby doll dress before Sui Feng sees.
141. David Robert Jones, please stop bribing Katen Kyokotsu to show up to your meetings so that she/they can intimidate your political opponents.
142. Ed is no longer allowed to hang around the Sogyo-no-Kotowari twins. The three of them are learning from each other how to be more annoying little pranksters.
143. There is no version of SPORE that acts on real life forms. Once again: Uterio, stop it.
144. Washu and Blackout are hereby prohibited from sending experimental weapons to humans on alternate versions of Earth for "testing."
144a. Especially not one Sosuke Sagara.
145. Related to Rule #140: Suzumebachi will continue stinging Bebop II personnel in uncomfortable places until Zev gives her baby doll dresses to keep. Don't ask us why, she just wants to look cute, we guess.
146. Alright, who was it that busted Darkmount's computers purchasing hentai while visiting on a diplomatic mission from the Bebop II?
146a. It was Spartacus.
146b. Who the hell is Spartacus?
146c. I'm Spartacus.
146d. No, I am Spartacus.
146e. They're all lying, I'm Spartacus!
147. All Spartacuses are to report to one Sosuke Sagara for termination.
147a. It was Vi!! Vi was the one who did it!! She was reading yaoi and everything crashed!!
147b. I would f##king murder you if you weren't smart enough to not sign your name.
148. Now that they've broken into the BZPB Universe, Light Yagami and L. are to be ignored.
148a. Let the genius sit how he wants.
148b. Are you allowed to write on this list, L.-kun?
148c. Where did you get a pen, Yagami-san?
148d. It's a secret.
149. On a related note, after numerous punctured trees, rocks, walls, animals, demons, robots, hiding ninjas, and BZPower Battlers, dramatic pen flourishes are prohibited from usage to all but Light Yagami.
150. Don't drink any Kool-Aid that F-Klak offers you.
151. D-Klak, if you're not going to stick your neck out for your brotha-man, don't go around calling yourself one baaad motha -
151a. Shut yo mouth!
151b. What? I'm just chastisin' D-Klak!
152. Nadle, please stop sneaking bugs into Zev's room. He can't stop shaking. - Vi
153. All necromancers are to leave Kakamu the hell alone. He's made his sacrifice, and we should just respect the dead for once.
154. Zev, Namah, we understand you like pickled eggs, but we'd ask that you make sure to clear the room before you open that monstrous jar. Shroom's dreadlocks are still a little singed from when he made the mistake of being too close.
155. Blackout and Nirrti are not allowed to collaborate on any projects ever again.
155a. Because one dimension wiped clean thanks to tampering with a Goa'uld System Lord was enough.
155b. Combat was not involved, Ynot. The lunatics were just screwing around with designer plaques.
156. Leave that gloomy girl in the T-shaped tower on one particular alternate Earth alone.
157. All of Kokonoe's botanical-related equipment has been confiscated and she's being forcefully scrubbed down in the hazmat room. Do not enter her lab under any circumstances. And do not try to get a peek at her, Pitou, she's not a pretty sight.
157a. She was trying to cross-breed Devil Fruits with marijuana plants. All she succeeded in doing was creating a bunch of VERY naughty vines.
158. No Shinigami are allowed to enter Blackout's lab, for their own good.
158a. Yes, that includes you, Kurotsuchi. He'd have a field day with you.
158b. And no you may not send Nemu in your place.
159. No one is to utter the phrase "The only GOOD scientist is a MAD scientist" in front of Blackout, Kokonoe, Washu, or Gotei 13 12th Division Captain Kurotsuchi Mayuri ever again.
159a. ...Or Octava Espada Szayel Aporro Granz. He's psychotic enough as it is and we're the ones who have to live with him. - Tercera Espada Tia Halibel
160. Referring to the Gotei 13 Soutaichou as Captain-General "Yo Momma"-moto is hereby a punishable offense. - G.S. Yamamoto
160a. Hilarious as it may *obscured by blood*
161. The following are pathetic and awful excuses to leave a meeting:
- I have to floss my otter.
- I have to wash my hair.
- My sugar daddy called me.
- I'm having relationship troubles with my hamster.
- My dog is having kittens. [Yes Ryoko, you WERE that drunk last week.]
- My fish is drowning. [YES, Ryoko.]
162. Ynot is hereby forbidden from entering the Universe of Claymore to fight the "Awakened Beings" known as Abyssal Ones.
163. In addition to Rule #162, no BZPB scientists are allowed to even have in their labs a Youma, Awakened Being, or Dragon's Kin.
163a. And no, Blackout, you cannot contact the Organization for their notes.
163b. You may not kidnap one of their scientists to inquire, either.
163c. Just leave the Organization alone dammit.
164. Henceforth, that girl Chizuru from the class of one Kurosaki Ichigo is not allowed near any women of BZPower Battles with an above-average bust size.
165. To servants of Blackout who have been spreading unpleasant rumors about the nature of food given to them while recuperating from injuries in the Gotei 13's 4th Division, Captain Unohana would like to have a word with you.
165a. Lord Blackout, help us, this woman's a monster hiding behind a smile! HEL *obscured by blood*
166. No one is allowed to disturb Mikihisa while he is knitting.
167. And Namah, you had better start showing some appreciation for the wedding ring shawl he has lined up for the lucky girl to marry Zev. The one Mikihisa's been knitting for 22,000 years off-and-on.
168. ...I'm not even going to begin to go into how many things are wrong with those two Rules. - Namah
169. Screwin' with Aizen-sama's tea ain't allowed, y'all. - Gin Ichimaru
169a. Yes it is. Go right ahead. You have carté blanche. - G.S. Yamamoto, Viriathus & D.R.J.
170. Any mention of the planet Uranus while sitting in on Captain's Meetings is not allowed. Apparently the Gotei just isn't mature enough to handle it. - Viriathus & G.S. Yamamoto
171. Please stop playing "Hips Don't Lie" around Chimpette Zabimaru, you degenerates.
171a. Her hips don't lie, but they do crush bones! - Snakey
172. After the discovery of what Namah's had hiding in the space below her room, please refrain from using the term: "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but chains and whips excite me."
173. On a related note, Zev is to stop providing incilliatory comments to lower-ranking personnel because "it'd be funny to see what'd happen, but not if it happens to me."
174. Xanxus of VARIA is to make sure that he's never alone when he binges.
174a. And don't give us the "it's Happy Hour somewhere"-line.
174b. You frickin' rode Bester through the Gotei 13, firing the X-Guns at random and quoting anime gunslingers, THAT'S WHY!!
175. No one is to try and look for User: Zev. No one's returned alive, and we honestly can't spare the manpower searching for him.
175a. He's better off lost than found anyway, the loon. - User: DRJ
175b. Oh now that's cold. - User: Zev
176. WHO THE HELL LET USER: ZEV WRITE ON THIS LIST!!?
176a. It was a joint effort on our part in exchange for certain favors on his part. - Bebop II Women's Association
176b. ...Good Lord. I hesitate to ask, but what did Association Head Ed get?
176c. She got a huge bag of Skittles and a PlayStation 3 with every game she wanted.
177. We don't know Nemu got into Blackout's lab (Though we can make a guess...), but get the curvy sadsack out of there before Blackout has a coniption.
177a. Reports say he was going to vivisect her so as to devise a plan to counter Kurotsuchi since she's his clone, and we lost contact about the time she snapped the adamantite bands like pretzels and threw the operating table.
178. He should be ashamed for not noticing, but please take the "Please Kick Me In The Groin"-sign off of Osseron's back, Patti.
179. Do not get in-between Ferret and her booze. She nearly ripped Ragnarok to shreds when he snatched her bottle of whiskey.
180. Washu is not allowed to make fireworks again until NEVER.
181. Zev, you are to immediately halt your attempts to forge Kanohi Masks of "GAR" and "Burninating the Peasants."
182. Everyone keep your hands off of Dokugamine Riruka's stuff. We still don't know what the crazy little hoarder did with Pitou.
183. Starscream is hereby ordered to stop wasting the R&D Institute's resources on cloning himself. The existing eight clones is about eight too many.
184. The Axiom Gun is not to be used under any circumstances.
184a. Even if Zev is destroying everything and everyone in sight after he has eaten our entire supply of Quetzalacatenango insanity peppers.
184b. Even if all our other weapons have proven useless. Knowing Raregroove, he'll be able to build one of his own after getting shot a few times. There will be no exceptions to this rule.
184c. And no, Starscream, it doesn't matter if you can't spell "Quetzalacatenango". THERE WILL BE NO EXCEPTIONS WHATSOEVER, ESPECIALLY NOT ON SUCH FLIMSY GROUNDS.
185. Devastator is not a dog, and he is not to be sicced on spammers. We're STILL cleaning up the damage from last time.
186. Zev is not allowed to drive the Hummer.
186a. Even in an emergency.
186b. ESPECIALLY in an emergency.
187. The Starship Enterprise is hereby allowed to undergo training to join a faction of her choosing.
188. We don't know how the Starship Enterprise got here, but she wants to join us, and whoever tries to stop her will not be getting our help.
189. King Deus ex Machina III does not exist, and he certainly does not mete out power to all game-breaking individuals.
190. An update from Rule #182: We've found Pitou. Riruka had him stashed in one of her dollhouses.
191. There are to be no jokes about the rod-shape of the shikai of Zev's new zanpakuto, or that it has an electrical current.
191a. We're looking at you, Namah.
192. Ynot is hereby never allowed to go to an alternate Universe unattended ever again just to find a challenge and/or training.
192a. IF YOU GO ANYWHERE NEAR THE RYOZANPAKU DOJO EVER AGAIN I WILL MAKE YOU EAT YOUR OWN MASK!!
193. Kokonoe, we don't care how much candy Zev bribed you with, cease and desist with creating a team of real-life Pokemon for him.
194. Prudence, please stop using your Electromagnetic Magic to screw around with Etna's cellphone. It's her only contact to her true love Vy *obscured by blood*
195. On a related note, please stop using your shikigami to steal Etna's snacks.
196. Chrome Dokuro is hereby ordered to take classes on opening up to others so that emotional contact comes to her from more sources than a pandimensional demon who got her drunk on an alcoholic mix.
197. No one is to interrupt Wekiga's afternoon tea. He's addicted to the stuff like cocaine, and we already almost lost Zev.
198. Shroom is hereby no longer allowed to take Ed for rides on that infernal Fighting Dragon he has with him.
199. Ginjo Kugo is hereby ordered to stop tricking BZPower Battlers into joining his little Xcution organization based upon their preferences in ramen.
199a. BECAUSE IT'S A F##KING STUPID CRITERIA, THAT'S WHY!!
200. User: Zev is not holding bets on all of the biggest wars in BZPower Battles. It is unlawful to try and seek him out to place said bets.
201. All VARIA officers are to commence with capturing the flapping, shrieking ball of Sun Flames and returning it to its box. Poor Haru-chan is to be treated for injuries. Zev is to receive a looong lecture from Vi.
201a. We know you thought it was a regular, peaceful Sun Box Animal, Zev, but we know that you know it said "Sparrowhawk" in Italian.
201b. ...I thought Haru could handle it... - Zev
201c. Because you have no common sense. - Vi
202. Please stop keeping tallies of your kills on your phone, Belphegor. You're beginning to have trouble focusing on your missions from admiring your own ability to kill your targets.
203. Rule #202 has been repealed because Belphegor was found throwing knives at pictures of the Rule-Makers tacked to a dartboard.
204. Speaking of "Prince the Ripper," VARIA Storm Flame Unit Leader Belphegor and Noblewoman Mai are no longer allowed to challenge each other to knife-throwing competitions.
205. Upon various threats, an addendum has been made to Rule #204: Belphegor and Mai are hereby allowed to continue their competitions so long as they stop using Fran as the target.
206. Whoever stole Gotei 13, 6th Division Captain Kuchiki Byakuya's family heirloom hair ornaments, return them and serve your punishment before he finds you.
206a. We know it was someone from BZPB, and Byakuya is not amused that you left a set of bunny ear headbands in place.
206b. No, Rukia, Byakuya will not impersonate Chappy for you.
206c. ...Even if he did that to stop your crying when you were young, he won't now.
207. Henceforth, no one is allowed to inquire as to VARIA Sun Flame Unit Leader Lussuria's sexual orientation.
207a. Even if you saw him shopping with Chrome and Namah in his high-heeled magenta boots.
207b. And don't let him ever meet Gotei 13, 11th Division 5th Seat Ayasegawa Yumichika. Those two wouldn't get anything done between sharing fashion tips.
208. Quinta Espada Nnoitra Jiruga is hereby not allowed within ten kilometers of Ed, Chrome, or any female of the Bebop II period.
209. Additionally, Vi is to stop actively seeking Nnoitra out to kill him.
210. Ed and Gotei 13, 11th Division Vice-Captain Kusajishi Yachiru must never meet.
211. We would like to announce that there will be no races between Vi and that blue rat.
212. Furthermore, all superpowered hedgehogs are to be returned to their proper Universes and time periods.
212a. No, Pitou, you may not keep Blaze the Cat here.
213. We are not allowed to invade other Universes and threaten writers of ongoing series to make our favorite pairings come true.
213a. No means no, Zev, Namah and Chrome.
214. Crona is hereby ordered to stop writing his/her depression-inducing poetry.
215. Henceforth, females and/or males who wish to fight over the heart of one(s) they love must acquire a permit to do so on uninhabited planets.
216. If anyone tries to make an advance on Draak'ha ever again, you're on your own with recovering. All of our infirmaries and the Gotei 13's 4th Division are unable to handle this kind of needless waste of hospitalization.
217. Zev is to cease taking bets on the Tia Halibel VS Neliel tu Oderschvank catfight.
217a. And he's to cease spreading rumors that they're fighting over Ichigo.
217b. We know it's the truth, just stop spreading it around.
218. It is hereby no longer acceptable to make assassination attempts on the grounds that an individual "flagrantly rebroadcasts NFL football without the signed consent of NFL football."
218a. Especially when you just made that up on the spot, Zev.
219. It is no longer a permissable motivation method to tell apprentices that you will kill them if they fail your next test for them.
219a. And you may not train them by having them climb to the top of a 200-meter-tall tower of metal spewing flaming oil.
219b. Nor may you train them by tying them to a tree and spreading honey on their face near a bear cave.
219c. Moss, stop giving Zev all these ideas. We've already lost twenty-something new recruits because of this.
220. Do not offer Ursakune a honey-flavored bear claw, you idiots.
221. No one is allowed to replace that bat Vanth's wardrobe with ridiculous, garish outfits.
221a. Nor may you secretly give her transparent clothes, you reprobrates.
222. Model 18 is to return Zev's All-Access Royal Credit Card.
223. Indigo, you both are to stop changing colors to get extra food from the Bebop II Mess Hall.
224. Crona is ordered to stop decorating his/her Corner of Woe. You can't stay there forever.
225. Ynot is hereby ordered to stop using his Platinum Ring as a pickup item.
226. Uterio and Aizen Sosuke are never, EVER to meet.
227. Please stop referring to Model 14 as "Pimp Daddy Lovemachine."
227a. Even if he's the one who told you to call him that.
228. On a related note, Model 14, we won't handle your repairs if you ask Galestorm to call you that.
229. Make fun of Galestorm's name at your own risk. She already almost punched out 14 without her Power.
230. If you lot feel it's necessary, we'll allow Pitou to race that blue maniac Lee.
231. Klak and Sasuke are not allowed to get into angsting competitions.
232. Osseron is hereby ordered to stop designing his Solar System-sized pinball machine using metal moons as the pinballs.
233. [CLASSIFIED] Do not let Osseron ever find Kalta Thaea.
234. No one is to go looking for Yume. We're quite happy with her not attacking.
235. Sara is to stop trying to wibbleface Osseron into helping her design something to impress Washu.
236. K'theenya is not allowed to go drinking with Gotei 13, 8th Division Captain Shunsui Kyoraku.
237. Because you damned brats egged my house last time. - G.S. Yamamoto
238. No one is to ask where the Master Sword went.
239. There will be no investigations into this "Sailor Nebula" nonsense.
239a. Just wait till I make my appearance proper! And remember to save often to see all your options and the end of the game! I love crab with its skull cracked and its genius brain dashed!! - "Sailor Nebula"
239b. ...Hooooo boy. That don't sound good. - Washu
240. Don't stop Minagi from her ninja-games.
241. None of the BZPB scientists are allowed near any alternate Earth version of Area 51.
241a. Nor may you go there, 12th Division Captain Kurotsuchi. - G.S. Yamamoto
241b. Once again, you may not send Nemu in your place. - G.S. Yamamoto
241c. Because the last time you tried that, you had to pay for repairs to Blackout's lab for all of the equipment she broke, remember? - G.S. Yamamoto
241d. Not to mention that she became infatuated with Shroom. - Anonymous
242. Shroom is hereby not allowed even in the same plane of existence as the Seireitei/Soul Society.
242a. Especially not the grounds of the 12th Division or Bureau of Research and Development, if you like all your organs exactly where they are.
242b. Trust us. Mad scientists don't get crazier than the Captain of the 12th.
242c. He once snuck something into my sake that gave me heat vision. My eyes still itch. - Captain of the 8th Kyoraku Shunsui
242d. Still, I wonder what Unohana-san did to keep him in line when he examined her... - Captain of the 13th Ukitake Juushirou
242e. We merely had a calm talk and settled matters amicably. He can actually be quite agreeable when spoken to kindly. - Captain of the 4th Unohana Retsu
242f. Feh. What a load of bull. I still have to take heart medication for the threats you made. - Captain of the 12th Kurotsuchi Mayuri
242g. Please refrain from using this rule list to complain on your own personal matters. This isn't our domain to squabble. - Captain-General G.S. Yamamoto.
243. Riruka is hereby ordered to release Zev, Pitou, and Shroom from the plushies their souls have been trapped inside of.
244. We are not allowed to take in deadly criminals as dinner guests.
244a. That means you have to turn Deathsaurus over to the authorities, Chrome.
244b. Yes, we're sure that the bunny ears don't make him less dangerous.
244c. Stay out of this Kuchiki Rukia.
245. After a very helter-skelter day on the Bebop II, anytime Ed needs a bath, just get the water hose out and spray her down.
246. Dorothy Wayneright is no longer to be used as a medium for downloading television episodes online.
247. Faerie Idol Belldandy is no longer protecting the Keruvim. The next person to pester her about it will be punished severely.
248. Stop taking Ryo-Ohki's carrots, you horrible, heartless monsters.
249. We know she's an awful nag, but please stop threatening to tear up Riruka's plushies to get back at her.
249a. We're not sure what the "Love Gun" does, but we're fine never finding out.
250. There are to be no jokes about Kugo Ginjo's huge frickin' claymore and overcompensation.
251. Ryoko, Ferret, and Gotei 13, 10th Division Vice-Captain Matsumoto Rangiku are never allowed to drink together ever again.
251a. Because you all teepeed the 12th Division and tried to kidnap 10th Division Captain Hitsugaya Toshiro.
252. On a semi-related note, it is not appropriate to play Fire & Ice by Pat Benatar when Yamamoto-soutaichou and Hitsugaya-taichou are in the same room together.
253. Once again on a semi-related note, only Matsumoto-fukutaichou is allowed to refer to Hitsugaya-taichou as "Shiro-chan," "Little Icicle," etc., etc.
253a. No, even she's not allowed. - Hitsugaya
253b. Hush, Shiro-chan. - Matsumoto
254. Pedobear does not exist. It is unlawful to scare less-endowed girls into behaving by telling stories about him.
255. And no, Pedobear is not Yachiru Kusajishi's Bankai.
255a. No, Kenpachi is not Yachiru's constantly-active Bankai, either. How is that even supposed to work!!?
256. The list of movies banned from the Ironclad are now updated to include any movie in the "Saw" franchise.
256a. Do we really need to give Vultran any ideas like that? Really?
257. Namah Calah and Vriska Serket are never to meet.
258. Similarly, Zev Raregroove and Gamzee Makara are not allowed in the same Galaxy as each other.
259. In fact, don't let Terezi so much as taste the Ironclad's computer connection.
260. Apparently, you idiots just don't learn. Under Act 227-461B, which has been passed by everyone whose opinion matters, the Trolls of New Alternia are not allowed to interact with primary BZPB characters.
260a. Hey, I didn't get a say in this!! - Zev
260b. EVERYONE WHOSE OPINION MATTERS.
260c. ...Awwwh... - Zev
261. Namah is not allowed to ever come into contact with the Necronomicon.
261a. That means yes, Dorothy, keep it hidden from her.
262. Challenge Shroom to a real-life Pokemon battle at your own risk.
262a. Zev is still spitting out bone fragments from the last time he made that mistake.
263. We never have had, nor will we ever have, a team of highly-trained monkeys to resolve technical issues. Stop telling new members this.
264. On the matter of 2G1C STOP FORWARDING THAT SH!T GODD@MMIT.
265. Please stop humming the Ghostbusters theme around Wisp, doing that kind of thing is only entertainment for sick b@stards like Ravat and Wekiga.
266. After a very unpleasant night at the Bebop II, Namah is never allowed to have Red Bull. Ever again. Ever. No.
267. Will someone please take the karaoke machine out of my workspace? I can't get any work done with Zev and company wandering in to try it out. - Abneris
268. Users are no longer allowed to put on togas and laurels of oak leaves, then appear before human armies of the BZPB dimension to declare themselves godkings.
269. If you give into Angeloid Astraea's wibblefacing for snacks, be prepared to have the moron attached at the hip for a decade or two.
270. There will be no more watermelon splitting contests in front of Ikaros, after she nearly obliderated the contestants/"slaughterers."
271. Do not inquire as to Nu's whereabouts. She's better off out of sight and out of mind.
272. Wekiga will NEVER have tea with Rachel Alucard ever.
273. Kokonoe, please stop asking Pitou to show you his [GIGANTIC TAGER!!]
273a. I'll ask whoever I damn want about their [BLOOD KAIN!!]! And if he wants, we can [INFERNAL DIVIDER!!] and [CARNAGE SCISSORS!!] and
273b. GOOD GOD, GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF, WOMAN
273c. NOT IF I DON'T WANT TO, MAN
273d. ...Yeah. We bad.
274. Do not let Nu-13 meet the Angeloids.
275. Zev is no longer allowed to inquire WHO DOES NO. 2 WORK FOR!!? prior to delivering a serious asskicking.
276. Izaya Orihara and Blackout are never to meet.
277. Anri Sonohara is hereby added to the list of individuals that Chizuru from Ichigo Kurosaki's class must never ever meet.
278. Do not suggest "Anger Management" to Shizuo Heiwajima unless you are curious as to the sensation of having a foot garbed in a fine leather shoe planted firmly somewhere between your lungs and colon at a high rate of speed.
279. The Baterra is never to be allowed to ingest a Sopor Slime pie or Faygo.
280. Do not install Muffin Buttons on anything.
281. No, we will not invest in a muzzle for Ravat. Stop asking.
282. On a related note: Kokonoe, it is unsightly to see you walking Pitou around on a leash, so please stop.
283. Hakumen and Kaname Tosen are to cease with their "Meetings of Great Justice."
284. Ryoko is no longer allowed to name her ships.
284a. "The Boozehound," "Jugged Jaguar," and "Blitzed Bomber" are why.
285. No one is to interrupt the Ladies of the Glory-Raregroove Family during tea.
285a. Because even Unohana Retsu-taichou may not be able to save you.
286. Makoto, please stop asking people to "hold your nuts." We get that you're a squirrel-girl, but that comment can easily be taken out of context.
287. We shall reiterate the same situation with Vanth: DO NOT try to sneak garish, hideous, or transparent clothing into Toph Bei Fong or Sagihime Raregroove's wardrobes.
288. On a related note, Sagihime is no longer allowed to use Zenki and Kouki as bouncers during tea with her sister and nieces.
289. Kokonoe is hereby ordered to stop trying to weaponize Bebop II personnel.
289a. Zev did not appreciate his hilarious misadventures as "The Psychedelic Samurai."
290. Stop prank-calling Cthulhu. Honestly.
291. Toph is no longer allowed to listen to audio recordings of old Captain Caveman cartoons, after she permanently reduced the motor functions of half a dozen of our tax attorneys while being "in character" with her Earthbending-formed club.
292. All opossum chicken sampled in the Foggy Swamp must first be removed of bacteria by boiling it in about a metric ton of Purell and putting it into a pottery kiln.
293. The Chef of the Bei Fong School is not nicknamed "Peaches."
294. On a related note, Peaches and Cream are NEVER TO EVER come into contact with Makoto.
295. Nor may she meet Blueberry and Jam, P.B. and Jay, Cookies and Milk, etc. etc., so on and so forth.
296. Though she's only working at a grocery store at this time, do not let her meet Angelcakes either, for safety's sakes.
297. Do NOT ask Zev "WHO RUN DIS TOWN" unless you're ready to take a couple of roundhouse hooks to the eye.
298. Also, Zev, before you start delivering roundhouse hooks, you are advised to train your speed: Shroom could have sent for and received a letter on the Pony Express while he was waiting for your punch to hit him.
298a. Yes, he was humoring you. Yes, he instantly regretted the decision of humoring you once that slow-@$$ punch sent him into the ship's wiring.
299. "I did not inhale" is not an acceptable excuse.
300. Klak is hereby ordered to fill the giant pit he's been kicking Blackout's messengers into for laughs.
301. All access points to any Universes containing timelines of Panty & Stocking w/ Garterbelt are to be sealed off from our Universe.
302. On a related note, President Funny Valentine is to be bribed handsomely and shamelessly to keep him from using D4C to bypass those seals.
302a. Namah, Viriathus, and their crack squad of lovely ladies are to "persuade" him through a mix of seduction and malicious intimidation to make sure it sticks.
303. To whomever introduced Vi to Tetris, thank you so very much. Her paperwork stacks have reached the ceiling, while Makoto and Zev have started a civil war to decide who's going to control the ship. - Namah
304. No one is allowed to play music by Thugnificent, Gangstalicious, Dethklok, etc., etc. around Namah, as bad things happen.
305. No one is to wibbleface and/or intimidate Ensign Czeska into copying down discussions of the Bebop II Women's Association Meetings.
306. Vato Falman is hereby ordered to stop trying to weasel out of appearing in the RPG; in Vi's words, "Strap on a pair before she bolts a pair on for you."
307. BZPBers are ordered to stop using Death the Kid as a porter of elicit material via his flying skateboard Beelzebub.
308. A Notice from the Fashion Police: All characters in existence are limited to no more than two belts, and they will only be placed where they belong around the waist.
308a. BECAUSE YOU MORONS ALL LOOK LIKE YOU FELL OUT OF THE TETSUYA NOMURA TREE AND HIT EVERY SINGLE LULU BRANCH ON THE WAY DOWN and I'm sorry but the Gods are sick of looking at how you buffoons have chosen to use your gift of sentience to come up with the most horrendous and idiotic fashion statements imaginable.
308b. The Seraphim are still out for blood over you girls with the stupid little fake angel wings, you are not angels, you're little fashion victims, that's what you are.
309. Tokimi-kami-sama is hereby ordered to keep taking her suppressants by order of the Architect, that rant right there just caused a bunch of Galaxies to swap positions while you weren't paying attention.
310. Namah is hereby ordered to stop staging elaborate escape missions to teach students her artform. The following scenarios are hereby banned:
- The Finding Nemo Rebellion Escape.
- The Baby T. Rex-Mama T. Rex Escape.
- The Distracted By The Sexy Escape.
- The Pure Refuge In Audacity Bavarian Fire Alarm Escape.
- The Ransom Of Red Chief Ironic Twist Ending Escape.
- The Hoist By His Own Pedobear Petard Escape.
- The Polite Request Escape.*
*"Acceptable Escape Method" Status Pending.
311. Following the loss of limbs to several Makuta, no one is to ever ask Equius to arm wrestle them ever ever again in this or any Universe, lifetime, or Session.
312. Gamzee is to keep eating Sopor slime pies, and no one may stop this.
312a. Read around Act 5 or so of Homestuck or read the TV Tropes featuring him if you want to know what the b@stard's like otherwise.
312b. JUST KEEP HIM HIGH AS A KITE AND DON'T ASK QUESTIONS DAMMIT
313. Do not let Equius show you his "art" good God don't give him any reason at all to take those monstrous musclebeast pictures out of their containers.
314. Terezi, stop it. [Apply this to anything you're currently scheming]
315. Vriska is a horrible influence on Chrome and the two are no longer to associate. - Vi
315a. But...I feel like we're sisters...Or closer...! - Chrome
315b. You both have a "blue/indigo" theme, you're both roleplay nuts, and you both are missing an eye. That is not enough to make such claims on.
315c. On further inspection, yes it is. Chrome may keep visiting Vriska.
316. Ryoko is hereby ordered to stay the blue hell away from Sopor slime pies.
317. No one is to ask about the Counter-Actor.
318. Haruko Haruhara and Jade Harley are now ordered to take their jam sessions outside and far away from any major cities.
319. Added to the list of unacceptable excuses for killing someone is that you were promised truffles/dark chocolate/any decadent food to do so.
319a. Yes that includes perfectly-aged bourbon Ryoko.
320. Zev, contain yourself. Prosciutto. Is just. Food.
321. There is no such thing as a grue, and they do not feed on the supple flesh of BZPB recruits.
322. Henceforth, there are to be group counseling meetings on improper use of space-manipulation and its consequences.
322a. No, Sarge, you cannot bring the Shadow for show-and-tell.
322b. Because that is an atrocious idea.
323. Please tell Suzuka to stop standing outside of Fred Luo's compound at night, weighing her bokuto as if in preparation.
323a. Because it's creepy and a horrible thing to do to him.
324. There is no BZPB Shipping Olympics. Haruko, Namah, stop it.
325. Whoever gave Aisha catnip, you should be ashamed of yourself.
325a. You had also best keep an eye out for Hilda. She's very trigger-happy, you see.
326. This is a Clause, not a rule. By the Christmas of Many Badasses Clause, User Zev is allowed to fully implement the Spirit of the Wind, the Spirit of Rain, the Spirit of Lightning, Wekiga to the Third Power, the DW Mode:GONE, Terpsichora, Play the Game, Infinite Blade Works, the Temptress, and the Left Hand Suzuki Method after 12:00:00 on Christmas Day. Just don't do it all in one rush, or we will not take you to Plot Binging Rehab.
327. Attention Bogeyman, and Nox (we know you see this), AND YES EVEN YOU MR. ENGLISH, WE SEE YOU CHORTLING IN THE BACK ROW. Once the Christmas of Many Badasses Clause is in effect, Karin English is your problem, not ours.
328. Do not bribe the Timekeepers with hot sauce for...Well, just don't give them any real gifts. It's like eeding bears, they have to spread out through the timestream, not swarm one area. We're sure you understand.
329. God Xelor would like to have a word with Ynot in his office about why exactly he thought that the Vahi Cube would have anything but catastrophic conequences, such as clones being sent back in time to kill their progenitor and thus erase themselves from the temporal crime scene.
329a. Did we spoil your master plan, Nox? Well that is simply too bad.
330. This message is going into the future: no one is to get within arm's reach of Mura Tho Dho. You'll thank us a time from now, but not much time.
331. Chrissakes can we get Zev to stop being such an obstinate hippy and take a bath?
331a. Not until I go on my no-sugar diet - I say while enjoying a box of dark chocolate. - Namah
331b. A box which she swapped from yours truly for some sour gummi worms. - Kokonoe
331c. I must say, this weather is historical.
331d. Uza! The only thing historical about this weather is how it seems to be giving you a historic case of swamp-a$$! Take a bath! - Noodle
331e. Yes'm. - Zev
331f. Yosho-kun wa jama deshita. - Noodle
331g. Word. - Everyone
332. Can someone please hire on-the-site Japanese translators? This is getting ridiculous.
333. After Ferret decided to show them a certain character's dialogue in a certain webcomic, thus incurring the pan dimensional court case Hrindelkrindelfluegenweb v. The Chousin, we're not giving any of you translators for Christmas.
334. Santa Claus is not a magical biker, St. Nicholas was real and a Saint in modern-day Turkey, protecting archers, sailors, and children of all ages, Christmas was originally a pagan celebration allowing for wild and crazy funtimes, and FOR THE LAST TIME, CAPTAIN-GENERAL YAMAMOTO OF THE GOTEI 13 IS NOT SECRETLY FATHER CHRISTMAS!!!
335. Note: if Mia starts to act like she's on drugs and not sharing them with Elk, run. The Tide is coming. And you don't ask about the Tide, you run, then ask questions!
336. There is no BZPB counterpart to Top Gear. Bonney, Heathcance, Vi, Scinter, and all other persons involved, step away from the flappy-panel gearboxes, and stop being so brilliant.
-Continued at a later post-
Last edited by Lucky Zev! on Sun Jan 13, 2013 2:48 pm; edited 31 times in total